Chapter 9 The Truth, sort of.


Jasper left almost immediately. I think he knew I was on the verge of a full blown freak-out if I didn’t get her back on my laptop soon. I plugged it in to charge and went to get another beer and my smokes. I was not so patiently waiting for it to wake up when I realized just how pathetic my anticipation was. I was practically giddy just knowing I was mere seconds away from talking to her. What had this woman done to me? I felt bewitched and I loved it.
The moment I logged on to her website and started to leave her a message, I froze. What would I say? I couldn’t let her become aware of how much I thought about her, of how obsessed I was with her. I couldn’t reveal that I had been traveling and lost my laptop and that’s why I hadn’t returned sooner; she might connect the traveling with the real me. If the story got out that my laptop had been lost, she could connect EC to me that way, too. Shit! I didn’t want to lie to her at all if I could find a way around it. I’d just have to try and keep it bland but playful, that’s all. Well hell, I didn’t want her to think I was bland either!
EC: Dear EDG, I know it’s been a few days since my last visit, I’ve had some computer problems but I’m hoping that you’ll be online this morning, as well.
Okay, it was sort of the truth. Not having my laptop was a huge problem. I hit enter, held my breath and waited. What if she wasn’t there? What if she didn’t reply? What if she had…
EDG: Welcome back! “Where else am I going to go?” *L* sorry I couldn’t resist. How have you been? I hope you had a pleasant weekend.
I was surprised my face hadn’t cracked from the speed of my breaking smile. She confused me with that quote for a minute until I remembered it was one of my lines from Twilight. She was being playful again. I loved it and was practically bouncing on my bed with joy. Thank God she had PM’d me back and not posted it. It was safer this way as long as no one got hold of my laptop again. I’d make damn sure they didn’t.  
EC: Thank you *cute* I’m wonderful now. It was actually pretty miserable but it all turned around just awhile ago. Thank you for asking and yourself?
I had wanted to say it was wonderful now that you’re here and I’m fabulous now thanks to you but I couldn’t do that.
EDG: Well, I’m happy it improved. Oh, I’m very good. Are you still curious Darlin’? 🙂
Damn! I was the one perving now! That simple statement sent MY mind straight into the gutter, as they say. I’ll just bet you are, Love. Oh, how I wanted to find out! Hell yes, I was curious! I doubt we were thinking about the same things though. Two frigging sentences and she already had a huge dopey grin on my face.
EC: Very curious about many things. I think I always shall be.
EDG: Oooo many things! Just what are we curious about this time? Anything I can help with?
Oh man! She left herself wide open with that one! Too bad that, from her point of view, this was only our second conversation or I would have taken full advantage of this. Damn! I didn’t know who was farther behind, me or her. She knew more about me than I knew about her but I knew more about her than she was aware of and she didn’t know who she was talking to! Damn, this was getting confusing.
EC: Something tells me you could help me with a lot of my curiosities. But for now, I was wondering about you using the word “Darlin’” Are you Southern? Just Curious. 🙂
That was driving me crazy, not knowing. She had managed to get by without answering that one the last time. I’d have to be more aware this time. I wanted to know everything about her. She knew so much about me. It was only fair.
EDG: I’ll do what I can. LOL No, not really, Northern actually but people say I have a Southern accent. I don’t hear it myself, but who am I to say?
Did you hear? Edward and the cast have transferred to Vancouver to finish filming BD.
EC: If you are not Southern, where did the Darlin’ come from? J
Yes I am aware of the move to Canada.
Careful, Cullen. Stay on your toes but don’t lie, I thought.
EDG: I grew up in the north but was surrounded by southerners. I guess I picked up some of their accent/lingo but I still don’t notice it. Well, sometimes I do when I hear myself on a recording. But only if I’m talking.
There should be some pictures out soon of Edward. Even though I wish the paps would leave him alone *grrr*, it will be nice to see his face again. They have been sequestered for so long! Shoot BB, I miss him!
So, she did have a Southern accent! No one ever noticed their own accents. Now I really wanted to hear her talk to me, hear her call me Darlin’ in person. Northern with a Southern accent! Day-um! The best of both worlds! I had always thought that a Southern accent was the sexiest fucking thing ever! It drove me crazy. I tried imagining what she would sound like and it was a huge turn on! Wow! She missed me? Oh I had to ask about that. I wished the paps would leave me alone as well but there was no way that was ever going to happen. I was guessing her little *grrr* was supposed to show anger. It was cute. It made me think of a kitten lashing out. That image had me giggling.
EC: That reminds me. Is it another night, another time yet?
What do you miss?
I had almost said miss about him but then I realized that would imply Edward and EC were different people. That was exactly what I was trying to avoid. I had no idea where this was going or where it would end. I only knew at this point I was both trying to learn enough about her so that I could get over my obsession with her (which was totally fucking backfiring, thank you very much!) and, at the same time, I desperately wanted to talk to her in person. If it ever came down to that, I didn’t want her to be able to say I intentionally deceived her or lied to her.
EDG: re: Is it another night, another time yet? Okay, you lost me there, HUH?
What do I miss about Edward? Um…again, Everything!
1) His smile.
2) His voice, God his voice! UNF! I just want to curl up in bed and have him sit beside me and sing to me! See where it leads *giggle*
3) His just F*cked hair *don’t even get me started*.
4) His hands*raaawwr*.
5) His giggle, his laugh.
6) His randomness.
7) Wonky legs *oh BABY*.
8 ) His jaw *Swoon*.
9) His quirkiness.
10) His sexy eyes. *D-I-E me*
11) His interviews! Oh there’s so much more! He’s been gone so long! God just everything! I could go on and on trust me. You still don’t get it do you?
Ho-lee shit and Shine-ola! EDGe thought this about me? WTF? Oh man, talk about nose diving into the gutter! Geeze! Sit on her bed and sing to her and see where it leads? Gah! After how she said my singing made her feel? Hell yeah! I’m there! Gimme your address, Baby!  Just fucked hair? Geez, that was a phrase that would stick with me but not as much as the images of how she could get it that way! His hands and the raaawwr that followed it…Jesus! The images she was conjuring up in my mind! She was so Hawt and she was making me Hot! Wonky legs! I was laughing at this, it was so true! What she didn’t know was that having wonky legs had its *ahem* advantages. My smile was off the freaking charts! I didn’t think I’d ever stop smiling now!
EC: RE: “As for the singing… that is a long story, another night, another time perhaps?” Remember? Is it another night, another time yet?
No, not at all, I really don’t understand. Rave away if you think you can make it clear. I just don’t understand why a woman like you, talented and clever, intelligent and funny, would have “OCD”.
Okay, we totally have to talk about the things you miss!!! There’s more? That’s quite an extensive and umm interesting description.
EDG: You are curious aren’t you? *L* OK, I’ll tell you that if you promise to explain something to me when I’m done. (?) 😀
*snicker snort @ your description of me* I’m nothing special trust me! The only thing special about me is my Extraordinary, Exceptional and Perfect taste in the Sofa King HAWT Edward Cullen.
Got your attention about Edward didn’t I, hee hee, oh there’s a lot more. *giggles*
Oh, how I was enjoying this! She was talking about me but I was learning about her. I loved her playfulness and sense of humor! I loved the way she tried to distract me from talking about her. I wasn’t going to let her get away with it if I could help it. But I was still learning about her regardless.
EC: *thinking* Okay. Agreed.
I find that highly unlikely. But we’ll come back to this, methinks you are trying to distract me.
Yes, you have my attention! Tell me, I’m intrigued now.
EDG: LOL You’re Easy! *snickers*
 *blushing* *caught red handed* You’re right, I am.
Good, I love talking about The Pretty! Umm where was I?
12) Long elegant fingers. *GutterNutter*
13) His lips. (They just beg to be kissed and often!) *volunteering for that job!*
14) The way he dresses, from beanie to shoes (yes I even like the shit kickers and the Nike’s).
15) His constant hands in the hair.
16) The way he fiddles with his fingers all the time.
17) The fact that he blushes *so effing cute*
18) The way he’s so humble.
19) I miss watching him play the piano. *I will never get tired of watching that or watching him play guitar and sing.* *vera vera sexy*
20) The way he tries not to laugh/smile and it comes out looking puckered. Like he knows a secret that he’s keeping from everybody. Gah! I flove it!
Oh My God! She did have me blushing now but I couldn’t tell her that. GutterNutter? WTF was that? I was laughing just at the thought of it. It had to be something good, and naughty. So I wasn’t the only one who liked my Nike’s. I did not fiddle with my fingers! Well, not all the time anyway. I would like to show her just exactly what I could do with my fingers!
If she was here I would gladly play the guitar or piano for her just so I could watch her face as I did. That was something I definitely wanted to see and do for her. Just for her. The two of us alone. How did she know I was trying not to laugh when I smiled like that? I definitely didn’t have any secrets from the world, I just thought all this fuss over an average guy was utterly ridiculous and it made me want to laugh out loud over how silly it all was, but I knew if I did I would either look stupid or come across as rude.
EC: I’m Easy? Only on days that end in “Y” 😀
I thought so! *still waiting*
Apparently you do. I like hearing your thoughts very much. The Pretty? Where did that one come from?
Lord have mercy woman! You’re going to have to walk me through this list one by one and explain all this to me! Re: Just F*cked hair? (???) For real? GutterNutter? And other things too but promise we’ll come back to this tonight cause I’m getting confused *LOL*
EDG: LMAO! Glad to know you are showing some restraint! *giggles* Lord knows I would find it difficult to show restraint when it comes to Edward!
Okay I Promise we will come back to what I miss about Edward.
To answer your initial question, yes I can sing. Sorta.
I don’t know where the term The Pretty came from actually, but it suits him I think.
Trust me, Baby, the feeling is becoming very mutual. Oh wow, she could sing too. But I wasn’t going to let her get away with that simple answer. I was, as always, rolling my eyes at the term “The Pretty.” Geez! Why on earth would you call a man “The Pretty?” I wasn’t an egomaniac but if it made her happy to talk about her Edward, then I would listen to it all night long. I didn’t see what all the fuss was about but I had to admit I enjoyed hearing how she saw me. She was very observant; most people didn’t notice the “wonky legs” or the “fiddling fingers.” At least I hoped they didn’t. Who the hell knew what people noticed nowadays? I had been locked up so long I had lost touch with the real world. My life consisted of BD, my siblings and now EDGe.
EC: RE: “As for the singing… that is a long story,…” nice try bb. Spill! (Please?) As a musician and singer myself, I’m just curious. 😛
Thank You! It appears to make you happy and I enjoy hearing it.
How so? Isn’t that an odd thing to call a man?
EDG: Okay, I did promise after all. I had choir classes starting in grade school through high school. Our school put on several shows each year. In my first year of high school, for our first show, I was the understudy for the lead soloist. She fell ill and at that point my teacher started practicing with me to take her place just in case she was unable to appear in the show. Long story short, she made it back for the show and was a big hit. However, my Choir teacher thought I had real talent.
Curiosity killed the cat you know? *giggles*
Depends on your outlook I suppose. I think it suits him. *confused*
Nope, I wasn’t going to settle for that either. She was hiding something or, more likely, avoiding something.
EC: And…? I sense there is more to this story.
Curiosity killed the cat, And satisfaction brought him back! *wink*
What are you confused about?
EDG:  Hmm can’t squeak by you can I?
LMAO that was cute BB! I’d never heard that before!
EC: *LOL* No, not at all. You did say it was a long story, and you are still stalling…
You are confused about me?
Uh-oh! She was confused about me? That didn’t bode well. Had I inadvertently given myself away? Was she starting to suspect who I was?
EDG: Okay, after that my teacher pulled me aside and told me he thought I had a gift, that I could be the next big “star”. He wanted me to try for a recording contract. *rolling my eyes* Long story short, I found out the hard way that I have crippling stage fright. I’m fine by myself. With friends or in a small group, I’ll blow the doors off the place. Put me on stage…imma worthless frozen stiff.
Yes. You are confusing.
EC: So you’re a great singer you just lack the confidence to stand in front of a large crowd and sing? Didn’t you ever try again?
How am I confusing?
Wow, so she really could sing! Now I wanted her to join me when I played the piano for her; she could sing for me! Why hadn’t anyone encouraged her? Talked her through her fear? Hadn’t anyone been there for her? My heart went out to her. I could see her standing on stage, a microphone in her hand, ashen white with fear; the music starts and nothing, the intro replays and she runs off stage humiliated, terrified and in tears. Had anyone been there to comfort her or to hold her? Apparently no one had been there to encourage her and help her overcome her fears. The thought was heartbreaking.
EDG: Great singer? That’s a matter of opinion I suppose. I remained the understudy but once I realized my fear was crippling, no I never sang on stage again. I only sing when I’m alone or with close friends now.
In many ways.
EC: That’s a shame! If you’re that good you should sing all the time. You need to believe in yourself more and go for it!
How so?
I thought perhaps I was bringing up old wounds and thought I should let it rest for now. I didn’t want her thoughts of me to be ones that were associated with painful memories.
EDG: Well, how well I sing or don’t is a matter of opinion BB.
Anyway, about you being confusing, you got some “splainin’ to do Lucy” LOL
EC: LMAO Lucy???
EDG: Yes, I know you’re from London but srsly, don’t tell me you’ve never seen “I Love Lucy?”
EC: Yes, of course I have.
EDG: Well Girlfriend, “You got some splainin’ to do Lucy!” I don’t understand why you would have so very much in common with Edward Cullen, join a fan site for him and admit you’re curious about the OCD and yet you don’t seem to find him attractive at all? You rolled your eyes and said you definitely would not drool over Edward. Why? I don’t get that. I love talking to you. You’re funny and sweet and I am enjoying this very much. I’m just trying to understand Darlin’. Plz don’t take that the wrong way b/c now I’m just curious. 🙂
WHOA! Girlfriend?! Girlfriend? Holy shit she thought I was a woman?! Fuck! How had that happened? How was I going to explain this without ending up looking like an ass? Or worse, a stalker? Or worse…Shit! EPIC FAIL!
EC: Um Houston, we have a problem.
EDG: *L* What’s the problem Darlin’?
EC: Ummm…errr…I don’t know how this happened but uh you seem to think I’m a girl and I’m NOT. I’m a man. A Straight Man!
I hit enter and waited. Nothing. Total silence. The seconds ticked by into minutes but it seemed like hours. My heart was beginning to race like mad. I couldn’t stand it. Why hadn’t she replied?
And I waited. Nothing. I ran my hands through my hair anxious and worried. I downed what was left of my beer and lit a cigarette. Where was she? What was she thinking? Shit! Come on, don’t do this to me EDGe.
EC: EDG are you there?
SHIT! Shit, fuck and damn. She was pissed. I had pissed her off in a big way. I was chewing on my thumb now. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Her replies had always taken just a few seconds; it had now been ten minutes and nothing.
EC: EDG, please talk to me. I thought you knew. Honest!
Come on Baby, talk to me. Think about it and you’ll see I wasn’t trying to make you think I was a woman. Please! I silently prayed. Either she was typing the longest cussing out I’d ever receive in my life or she was scared to death. Holy Crap, I hope I hadn’t scared her! Oh man! I was in a panic at this point. How had I fucked this up? I thought back over all the things I had ever said as ExtremelyCurious and I could think of nothing that I had done that would imply I was a woman. C’mon EDGe, reply damn it!
EC: EDG, please talk to me. I honestly thought you knew. I never tried to mislead you. It never occurred to me that you thought I was a woman.
EDG: *stunned* *shocked*
Yes! Thank God! It wasn’t over yet; at least she was talking again and I hadn’t gotten cussed out yet either. That was a Win.
EC: I know, me too. Plz talk to me?
EDG: No.
Oh shit! She was pissed.
EC: Why? Please?
EDG: Embarrassed.
Embarrassed about what? I was lost now.
EC: Talk to me. Nothing has to change. You needn’t feel embarrassed.
EDG: ? No? How about this…for starters…
1) His smile.
2) His voice, God his voice! UNF! I just want to curl up in bed and have him sit beside me and sing to me! See where it leads *giggle*
3) His just F*cked hair *don’t even get me started*.
4) His hands*raaawwr*.
5) His giggle, his laugh.
6) His randomness.
7) Wonky legs *oh BABY*.
8 ) His jaw *Swoon*.
9) His quirkiness.
10) His sexy eyes. *D-I-E me*
Good I love talking about The Pretty! Umm where was I?
12) Long elegant fingers. *GutterNutter*
13) His lips. (They just beg to be kissed and often!) *volunteering for that job!*
14) The way he dresses, from beanie to shoes (yes I even like the shit kickers and the Nike’s).
15) His constant hands in the hair.
16) The way he fiddles with his fingers all the time.
17) The fact that he blushes *so effing cute*
18) The way he’s so humble.
19) I miss watching him play the piano. *I will never get tired of watching that or watching him play guitar and sing.* *vera vera sexy*
20) The way he tries not to laugh/smile and it comes out looking puckered. Like he knows a secret that he’s keeping from everybody. Gah! I flove it!
I said all this…TO A MAN? GAHH!!! OMG *kill me, just kill me now*
Oh this was Just Priceless!! A true Fisher Price moment! I was laughing my head off. I had a case of the giggles now that had tears streaming from my eyes. She was just too much.
EC: LMAO!!! Is that what’s bothering you?
EDG: *hiding my face* *B-L-U-S-H-I-N-G  P-R-O-F-U-S-E-L-Y* *humiliated* *dying of embarrassment* *praying the earth will open up and swallow me* *crawling under a rock now. It’s been err…umm… nice knowing you*
EC: ROTFLMAO in relief! Get back here You Dear, Sweet, Funny Girl! Oh my Lord you are adorable!
EDG: *blushing* *giggles* Oh! You think it’s funny do Ya? How do YOU know I’M a girl??? Hmmmm??
YES! EdwardsDream-gurl FTMFW! Oh Lord she was Precious!
EC: Bwahahahahaha!!! I just know! But even if you’re not I really don’t care. You are *excuse the language* Fucking hysterical! And I enjoy talking to you immensely! Can we talk about “Just F*cked hair” now? Bwahahahaha….
I’m so glad you find me so amusing SIR! However, I could just die! You must think I’m “hOOr-able”. WTF would a straight MAN join an Edward Cullen fan site? *LOL* Like I would ever expect you were a man! For realz? *blushing again*
I knew she was still being playful but I had to give her an honest answer, at least as honest as I could be. I owed her that much. I imagined it was a rarity to find a man on a fan site built for me (at least I hoped it was).
EC: Well, you can’t Google anything that doesn’t lead to Cullen nowadays. I saw this website mentioned a few times on the net. As you say, we have much in common. I truly do not understand the “Obsession” some claim to have. Cullen is just an average guy (his words) who has a great job. I was curious to see if it was true that the obsession was just transferred to Cullen from the Vampire character Robert in the Twilight Saga. I liked your site the best and to be honest it was/is relatively new and has very few members so far. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable talking about this in a large public forum. I do NOT think you are hOOr-able. *frowning* That you would think such a thing of yourself is ludicrous. I DO think you are talented, gifted even (just look at all you’ve done here), your poetry is amazing. I think you are intelligent and funny as hell. An absolute joy to talk to and I am very glad I met you. I’m positive Cullen would find this all extremely flattering and amusing and he would be honored to be held in such high regard by such a wonderful person as yourself. And I know he would enjoy your company very, very much. I do.
I took a very deep breath and hit ‘submit’. Here goes nothing and everything, I thought. It was the closest I could get to the truth without revealing my identity to her. At the same time, it was the biggest falsehood (in part) I would ever tell her. At least, in my own way, I got the chance to tell her how I felt.
EDG: I suppose I can understand that. You flatter me, Suh! *blush blush* Srsly, you are too kind. But I thank you for saying such lovely things. *still embarrassed though* *still want to hide under a rock*
EC: I think I know how we can fix that.
EDG: Oh? How so?
EC: Can we talk about the Just F*cked hair now? The wonky legs *Oh BABY* and Just exactly what does *gutternutter* mean? Hey, I’m Just Curious!

EDG: LMAO NO! and *Blushing* SHUT UP!