Chapter 8


Chapter 8


As I had feared, the next few days were hell on wheels. I was on my way out the door at 6:30 a.m. to go to the photo shoot. It looked like Woodstock outside the gates of the compound and it took forever to get through all the fans and paps. I had planned on (well, hoped to be) driving myself, but Bill had insisted on the limo; now I could see why. I would have been overwhelmed by the crowd and would probably have just stopped for fear of hurting someone and then they would have torn my little car to shreds. Geez, I was going to have to buy a Humvee just to drive to the corner when I got done with this movie. I definitely was not going to be driven around for the rest of my life. We finally arrived at the Vanity Fair photo shoot, which was both unique and odd, but I loved the Old World 1930’s 40’s look and feel of it. I got the chance to jam for a while with some great jazz musicians and that really lifted my spirits. A bunch of teenage girls busted onto the shoot, but I took the time to sign autographs and pose for pictures with them; after all, they went to all the effort to come see me; it was the least I could do. Fortunately, they were calm and polite and only Squeee’d a little bit. It both tickled and confused me the way they reacted. I’m just a guy with a great job, that’s all. I just could not wrap my head around all the fuss they made. Despite the interruption, it was great fun and a nice change for the morning.

As I headed back to the film set to get my luggage, one thought made me very happy; I was wearing my red horse shirt the girls had asked for. I wore a white dress shirt over that and a black and red MTV leather jacket. I knew there would be paps at the airport, there was no avoiding that. I only had to catch the eye of one of them and tug at my collar. As we drove towards the airport, I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile and stared out the window. I could just imagine the posts that would be on MEoW tomorrow. I could practically hear their Squeee’s already. And there was one, one special lady, I so wanted to know what she would think and have to say on the subject. I closed my eyes and smiled trying to picture her face, the image I had of her. When I looked at the camera and tugged my collar, I knew the tug would be for all of them, but my smile would be for her.

The rest of the day was positively maddening. Getting in and out of the set was difficult at best, but the airport was absolutely treacherous. It was so bad that Dean and Emmett basically had to just force their way through, one pulling me, the other pushing me. I had no idea where my possessions were, or who had them. I just left it in their capable hands and tried to survive getting on the plane. All the while, I kept thinking this is absolutely insane! What do these paps want? They’ve got a billion pictures of me, is one more in my leather MTV jacket really going to make that much difference? Do they think I’m just going to stop and give them a full disclosure interview in the middle of an airport? WTF? And all of them screaming my name! GAH! It was deafening and just pure insanity. When screaming my name doesn’t work, they always start screaming insults, slander and false accusations, anything to get a reaction. I felt like a caged zoo animal! No, worse! An animal backed up against the wall by hungry, snarling, barking, foaming-at-the-mouth wolves. The paps were so bad here I decided to wait until we arrived in Vancouver to give the girls their signal. Besides, I figured our arrival in VC would be a bigger story to hit the presses than our leaving was and that the news would travel farther faster.

Sitting on the plane, the sudden silence was welcome and yet overwhelming, too. It was a 4 and a half hour flight from Baton Rouge to Vancouver. Four hours where I had nothing to do; four hours I wished I could spend talking to her. Instead, I sat there doing nothing. I stared out the window thinking about all that she had said and done in the short time since I had first noticed her. I felt like all the time I had spent on this blog was an act of some higher power, keeping me coming back until the time when she would post. I had talked to her for over an hour this morning, though it had only seemed like seconds, and then I barely got any sleep at all.

Gratefully, I dozed off for the last half of the flight. I slept hard, falling deep into the dream. It was different this time, yet the same. I was happier than I had been before. The mist had cleared quite a bit. She was more defined, yet still a shrouded, glowing, ethereal, alabaster figure clad in black silk, tempting me ever onward toward the broken tree. I chased after her joyously, knowing that soon I would catch up to her. Her giggle and laughter thrilled me and beckoned me to follow. Now at the tree, I sneak around and she is gone. I hear her sigh my name; I turn and her tiny, delicate hand gracefully reaches out for me. I smile; finally, she is mine to hold. I reach out to her and… Alice woke me just minutes before we landed. I was disoriented, confused and disappointed.

Leaving the airport in Vancouver was just as much of a nightmare as getting on the plane had been. We were swamped from the moment we entered the terminal. In order to hide my face, I had my Ray-Bans on and kept my head down. Because of this, I kept veering off the path to the car and Dean had to keep grabbing my arm and putting me back on course. Emmett was just slightly ahead of us, using his muscle to keep them at bay as much as possible. The paps were a bunch of vultures and I wasn’t going to give them any help in getting their pictures. Then I remembered the red shirt and my promise to JET and the girls. I took a deep breath, raised my head, looked directly at one of the cameramen and smiled. As I did, I shifted my jacket to make sure the red shirt would be seen, then pretended to straighten the collar. My smile grew bigger as I heard all of their Squees in my mind and pictured her face once more. Then I ducked my head back down and continued to the car. The whole scene took less than a minute but it fueled the paps’ hopes of getting me to talk and pose. Damn, they grew more aggressive every second. I rolled my eyes and began walking faster. We had meetings to attend as soon as we arrived at the film set and by the time they were through, we had a late dinner. I still didn’t know where my belongings were and I was so exhausted I just collapsed onto the bed. I fell asleep that way, still dressed, still wearing my shoes, lying diagonally across the bed.

I was dreaming again. “The” dream. When I woke up, I was physically reaching my hand out towards the wall, just a breath away from touching her in my dream. I was even smiling! Geez! I felt like an idiot! What if I started walking in my sleep, running around the set laughing and chasing someone who wasn’t there!? They’d all have me committed, that’s what. Good thing I went to bed fully dressed, I thought dryly. WTF was I doing dressed? I wondered. Then I remembered yesterday. It must be jet lag. Geez, all this running around and not sleeping and her, it was all wearing me out. I went into the kitchen of my new trailer to put on some coffee. As soon as I had a shower and changed, I was going to get some breakfast and see what I had missed at MEoW and Edattack ( – similar to a heart attack but can only be induced by Edward), her website.

As I stepped out of the shower, I tried to wrap a towel around my waist (the darn things were just barely big enough and even then there was a large portion of my thigh showing) and realized I hadn’t gotten any of my clothes yet. I looked around my bedroom in shock. Where were my bags? My guitar? My LAPTOP??? I darted into the living room; not there. I checked by the front door, again nothing. I searched everywhere but nothing was here. WTF? I had food in my cabinets and a fully stocked fridge but all my personal belongings were missing. I stormed back to the bathroom, grabbed my jeans, fished around in my pockets for my cell and called, who else, Jasper.

“Edward, I know. We’re working on it.” Jasper said by way of greeting.

“Well, that’s wonderful Jasper; would you mind telling me what the FUCK is going on? Where is all my shit?” I demanded. I didn’t care about my clothes and I could replace the guitar, though I loved the one I had, but the laptop? Holy shit! If people knew it was mine and they hacked into it? FUCK!

“Alice is out getting you some clothes now; I’m at the airport. Apparently somebody fucked up.” Though he was speaking in a normal tone of voice, I could tell by the way he said it he was directing his comment to an employee at the airport. “They got so jazzed up that it was your stuff they didn’t listen to what they were told. They thought you were going home so they put all the luggage and personal belongings on a flight to London…”

“LONDON?!” I yelled, raking my hands through my hair.

“I know, I know, but it gets worse.” Jasper let out a heavy sigh. Though to most people he would appear, even now, to be the epitome of calm I knew he was highly pissed off at this situation. Only the slightest inflection in his voice gave him away to those closest to him.

“How much worse?” I asked, with trepidation.

“A lot. There were three flights out to London yesterday. No one knows which flight the luggage was on.”

“WHAT?” I yelled.

“I know, Edward,” Jazz said.

“My laptop,” I sighed. He knew I was worried about what would happen if someone got their hands on it. It didn’t occur to me until that moment that both Jasper and Alice, if not Rose and Emmett too, were fully aware by now of my posts to EDGe on Edattack. Shit! Well, at least Jasper would understand just how dire this situation was.

“I know,” Jasper sighed. “Edward, I’m sorry. I’ll make this right, I swear.”

“It’s not your fault, Jazz. Just do what you can to get it back and keep her safe.” Jasper and I were so close, I knew I didn’t have to explain my last remark or what I meant by it.

I hung up and sat on the edge of the tub. I ran my hands through my hair, my phone still clutched desperately in my hand. Shit! I knew it! I should have stuck by my own rules and never posted on the internet. My mind was going crazy trying to remember everything I had ever posted. Especially that last conversation with my EDGe. In all honesty, I knew nothing had been said to be ashamed or afraid of; however, I knew the paps and journalists would turn our conversation into something hideous and nasty and perverted. Oh God!  They would find her, they would drag her through the mud, I just knew it. I couldn’t stand the thought ; they would destroy her life and it would all be my fault. Oh me and my fucking clever idea to use the name ExtremelyCurious! EC!  I might as well have broadcast it on national television. I nearly jumped out of my bath towel when my phone rang.


“Edward, it’s Jazz. We’ve found the plane your stuff was on. They’ve got someone on stand-by to sort through the luggage and find it. They are supposed to put it on a flight to Vancouver A.S.A.P.”

“That’s great. Who did they get? Can we be sure it’s safe?” I asked, still not daring to breathe easily.

“The head of security is supposed to handle it personally, accompanied by whoever is in charge of baggage claim over there.”

“Whatever, Jazz. Just make sure it gets on that flight and back here, okay? If…” I was pacing back and forth now in my tiny bathroom, which was about three steps in one direction.

“I know, I know, don’t say it. Don’t even think it!” Jasper told me.

“Then I’ll have it back tonight?” I asked hopefully.

“I don’t think so,” Jasper replied

“What?” I exclaimed, dragging my hand through my hair yet again. The movement pulled the towel loose and it fell to the floor. “Well fuck!” I grab the towel off the floor but there was no way I could replace it with one hand on my cell phone. I stood there in my bathroom naked, my hand fisted so tightly around the bath towel my knuckles were turning white.

“I’m sorry, brother. The plane doesn’t land for another two hours and the return flight doesn’t leave London until 7pm tonight, that’s London time so they are 7 hours behind Vancouver, bro.” Jasper said. If he wasn’t such a calm man, I could have actually pictured him flinching, waiting for my response. There was no need to take it out on Jasper, it was hardly his fault. I was too frazzled and worried about EDGe to even try to do the mathematical calculations to that mess.

“All right, Jasper. Just let me know when it’s on the way back to me, okay?” I said.

“No worries, brother, I’ll take care of it and keep you posted.”

I hung up and dialed Alice.

“Oh, Edward, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay, I’m sure of it.” She said, in place of hello. I rolled my eyes. Am I the last to know everything about my life? I would be glad when I got my laptop back. (It would never leave my side while traveling again!) If I decided to continue to talk with EDGe, at least it would be a private conversation my entire family wasn’t privy to, not to mention the rest of the world.

“Alice, could you please pick me up some bath towels that are big enough for a grown man?” I asked. I could hear her giggle and then try to cover her mouth to hide it.

“I’ll see what I can do, Edward.”

“Thank you.” I hung up and put my clothes back on. In all the confusion, I had forgotten about my hair. It was dry now and stood in wild disarray all over my head. Oh well, if anyone saw me this way they would probably think I looked “hawt”. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous thought of that and went to fix myself some breakfast.

Jasper eventually called me back to let me know my laptop was safely aboard the flight from London to Vancouver. Though a sigh of relief escaped me, I knew I would not breathe easily or relax until my laptop was safely returned to my hands. Then Jazz told me it wouldn’t arrive until sometime Sunday afternoon maybe later depending on weather. Well crap! I didn’t want to wait that long but I had no choice.


I couldn’t believe how much I thought about this woman. I didn’t understand why EDGe was just so impossible for me to forget or let go of. I wanted to talk to her, or at least read what she had posted, so desperately that I often caught myself stressing like some druggie coming down off a high without any more stash to fall back on. When I tried to push her from my mind and not think about her, I caught myself wringing my hands, smoking too much, pacing the floor and constantly running my fingers through my hair. I was a nervous wreck knowing I had no way of “seeing” her or “listening” to what she had to say. I had no way of knowing she was okay or talking to her.  And all the while, I kept questioning myself on whether I should even attempt to talk to her again. If anyone ever found out it was me, the paps would hound her. They would track her down like the pack of rabid dogs they were and drag out every skeleton in her closet. Even if they couldn’t find any dirt on her, they would make it up or use the comments made on MEoW and LTE to ruin her, and me, if they could. I knew that, for both of our sakes, I should just forget it, forget her and never open my laptop again. I sighed deeply, knowing that, despite the risks, I couldn’t do that now. There were just too many unanswered questions. I realized that I was obsessing over her, becoming addicted to her, all the while telling myself that if I knew more about her I would lose interest. It was the mystery surrounding her that held me captive. I was an avid reader of novels and fan fiction and the way she wrote her posts and simple blogs intrigued me. That’s all there was to it. Once I knew more about her and uncovered her mystery, then I could get beyond my obsession.

Oh Lord, fan fiction. She had said she was thinking about writing one. I wondered if she had started it yet. I had encouraged her to; she had a talent for blogging and posting. Lord, she made me laugh. And the way she had described some of the wicked, sexy thoughts in her head, made it very clear exactly what she was thinking without so much as one vulgar word. Damn, that was intriguing and brilliant. It made me wonder, as did everything about EDGe, how she would handle a fan fic when it got down to the nitty gritty. Would she cruise along and breeze right over the lemons, or would she hint at them, point in a general direction and let the reader’s imagination carry them away, or would she step out from behind her blushing ways and write what she saw in her mind. I had a feeling that, behind all of her modesty and humility, I would discover a very passionate woman without any inhibitions. I fell asleep that night with those thoughts in my head, wondering about the fit, passionate woman wrapped in black silk and hiding behind a genuine blush.

I didn’t sleep well at all, tossing and turning all night. My dream was different, too. She was close, so close I could almost touch her. Her back was towards me but I knew she was waiting patiently for me. As I took a step to close the distance, I reached out my hand but she disappeared, lost in the ever thickening mist. The fog was thick, too thick to see through, and it was eerily cold, damp and dark. I was running in blind panic, lost, or trying to find what I’d lost, perhaps both. I ran and ran from one tree to the next, never finding her. I collapsed against a tree in desperation. Where was she? How had this happened?  I had to find her, I had to get her back. I pushed myself away from the tree, propelling myself deep into the dark, enshrouding mist. Where was she? Wait, the tree, our tree! I ran in the direction I thought it should be. I wanted to call out her name but I couldn’t, I didn’t know it. As I ran, I realized something else was different; me, I was different. I was dressed in a black tux. The tie was missing and the top button was undone but there was a plain white silk scarf draped around my neck and lapels. I had been wearing jeans before and a T-shirt with a denim jacket over the top. Finally, the mist began to swirl and I could vaguely make out the shape of our tree. I ran faster. “Oh God, NO!”

I woke myself up screaming those words out loud. I was soaked with sweat. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. I felt as though I had been running for hours.


I sat on my trailer steps Sunday night and once more watched the sun set over the horizon, wondering what she was doing. I wondered what her life was like. I remembered her words; “When the sun sets gloriously over the horizon, I’ll be thinking of you knowing that maybe, just maybe, you’ll be looking upon that same sunset with me.” Oh, I am. I am. That seemed like all I did now. It had only been three days but it seemed like three months. After having sat outside for several hours, I went inside and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. Too bad the damned airline had my guitar too; I was in the perfect mood to play, to really create something good. Thank God, I still had my iPod. It was still early for me, only a little after one in the morning. I went to my room and lay down on my bed, not bothering to turn on the light. There was a large window near the bed and I could see the sky and the moon from here. I put in my ear buds and pressed play. I hadn’t listened to my iPod in forever and I had actually forgotten some of what was on it. I laid there in the dark, staring up at the moon. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had seen this same moon tonight or had she been so caught up in her everyday life that she hadn’t taken the time to notice. When the song began, the keys of the piano immediately caught my attention but it took me a minute to recognize the song. I smiled; Bruno Mars’ “Talking to the Moon”. How apropos:

I know you’re somewhere out there, somewhere far away,

I want you back, I want you back.

My neighbors think I’m crazy but they don’t understand,

You’re all I had, You’re all I had.

At night when the stars light up my room,

I sit by myself, Talking to The moon, Trying to get to you

In hopes you’re on the other side, talking to me too,

Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon. ohh ohh ohh

I’m feelin’ like I’m famous, the talk of the town,

They say I’ve gone mad, yeah I’ve gone mad.

But they don’t know what I know, Cause when the sun goes down,

Someone’s talkin’ back, yeah they’re talkin back, ohhh

At night when the stars light up my room,

I sit by myself, talking to the moon, trying to get to you

In hopes you’re on the other side, talking to me too.

Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon. ohh ohh ohh

Do you ever hear me callin’ oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Cause every night I’m talkin to the moon,

Still trying to get to you.

In hopes you’re on the other side, talking to me too.

Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon. Ohh ohhh oh

I know you’re somewhere out there, somewhere far awaaayy.

Just as the song was ending, my bedroom door opened and light from the living room illuminated Jasper’s entire left side.

“Hey brother, been looking for this?” he asked, holding up my laptop. My smile felt bright enough to light up all of Vancouver.


I thought about ExtremelyCurious a lot the next two days. I kept looking for her in the other blogs and on my own site. I just couldn’t understand how someone who had so much in common with Edward and was fully aware of him couldn’t see the attraction we all had for him. Why would you sign onto a blog that was all about him if you weren’t attracted? I kept remembering the post; I had told ExtremelyCurious, “stick with me and I’ll have you drooling all over the pretty.” The reply had surprised me, “…I can seriously say that I doubt I will ever “drool over Edward Cullen.” *rolling my eyes* “Definitely not!…” I just didn’t understand this. It sounded so final. I decided I would make a list of all the hawt and wonderful things about Edward and when/if ExtremelyCurious came back still curious, I would have a list of things to talk about.

Edward never did come back online after the red shirt request post from JET on MEoW. That had been Friday; this was late Sunday and still, nothing. I hated Sunday’s on the internet. It was so quiet on the blogs and since I lived alone and didn’t work now, it made me feel lonely.

I had been working on writing down a dream I’d had in detail. I was pretty sure I was going to write this story one way or another. It was about Edward and I really wanted to do it as a fan fic, mostly because I had never had the courage to send my work to a literary agent and get rejected (as I knew I would be). If I wrote it as a fan fic, I could get several varied opinions. Some from friends and others from people I didn’t know. I just wanted to know for sure what people thought of my idea before I started. I had sent out several e-mails to my blogger friends and was waiting until morning to hear from them.

I decided to look in on my website and see what I could dream up to put on there tonight. As I signed in, it posted a little tab at the top of my screen that said EdwardsDream-gurl was online. I had grown so accustomed to the silence on Sundays that when my e-mail alert sounded, it actually startled me.

ExtremelyCurious has sent you a Private message. To approve receiving private messages from this sender please click on the link below.

Chapter 7


Chapter 7


As I lay in bed, my mind was racing. I couldn’t get her or the day’s events out of my mind. I had never been so restless and never needed the rest more. Tomorrow was going to be an absolute hectic day. I had to get up long before dawn to do a photo shoot for Vanity Fair magazine. That photo shoot would launch the “Water for Elephants” movie promotional campaign. After that, I had to rush back here and settle a few things, grab my stuff and head to the airport with the rest of the cast. The terrible part was that I would not have time in the morning to look for her… (Damn, I wish I knew her name!)  I would not be allowed to use my cell or my laptop on the plane and it was a long flight to Vancouver. By the time we arrived, got to the new set and settled in, I’d be wiped out. Who knew if they had wireless at the new location? Oh, shit! What if they didn’t? My heart lurched up into my throat. Nah, they’d have to have it. Bill would insist on. Damn, I had to stop freaking out over every little thing.

After Alice and Jasper left, I did Google mutual dreaming. It was quite common Among Close Couples Or People Who Practiced doing it. Thanks for that info, Alice! Apparently they talked about what they wanted to dream about every night! They agreed on a certain thing and thought about it as they drifted off to sleep and often, after years of practice, they would start to have mutual dreams.

Geeze! She and I weren’t close, and I’d never spoken to her so how the hell had we had the same dream? Then it occurred to me, she’d probably had the dream first. I found her words so powerful that they stuck with me. Hell, I had them memorized in seconds. When I had read her poem “Never Think”, it had really stuck with me. I was just guessing here but I assumed that, since I was thinking of her poem that night when I went to bed, I had combined the words from it with the words from my song “Never Think” and that’s what I had dreamed of. Perhaps she had done the same thing and it was all just a matter of having been thinking about the same two things at the same time. At any rate it, was easier for me to think that than the alternative.

Jasper and Alice, Lord I rolled my eyes thinking about them. They had been so ridiculous and idiotic earlier just because I had found her blog amusing. They had sat there and watched me reading it and laughing and suddenly they thought they knew everything…

“Oh, that is so sweet!” Alice had cooed.

“What?” I asked

You like her, you like her,” she replied in a sing song voice.

“Yeah, she’s funny and intelligent. What’s not to like?” I had replied. I was trying to play it off as nothing more than that, admiration for her humor and intelligence. They didn’t buy it.

“It’s more than that Edward,” Alice had said in a knowing voice and the biggest smile on her face ever.

“Well, she is a talented poet as well.” I said, trying to act as though it was of no real importance. I was an actor right? I could pull this off surely.

“Yeah, right brother. Then tell me why you are blushing,” Jasper said. He too had a smile on his face. The trouble was it was Jasper, his smile was too freakin big! They were both bursting at the seams with happiness but, for what, I had no idea.

“You like her, you like her, you like her…” Alice sang over and over again. She was so happy, I thought she was going to sprout wings and take flight like some fairytale pixie.

“Alice…that’s enough…” I tried to sound firm and harsh but the smile tugging at my mouth was all-powerful. I fought it, I bit the inside of my lip, sucked in my cheeks, I ran my hand through my hair and paced back and forth with my other hand on my hip but, there was no stopping it. One glance at Alice and Jasper and I lost the battle. My smile broke free and was followed by laughter.

“Okay, okay I like her.” I admitted. God, it felt good to say that out loud. The three of us sat there and laughed. Alice clapping her hands, completely giddy, and I couldn’t blame her. I felt exactly the same way she was acting.

“Why don’t you send her a message?” Jasper asked.

“What? Absolutely not!” I exclaimed. I was stunned he’d even suggested it.

“Really Edward, your whole outlook on us not interfering in their blogs is ridiculous. Sam does it, so does Tom,” Alice was pouting at me now. Oh, I hated it when Alice pouted.

“So does Edward, now,” Jasper said softly. Alice whirled around to look at him in shock.

No!” She said.

“Oh yes. Isn’t that right, Edward?” Jasper grinned. He was enjoying this. I liked him better when he didn’t smile so much. Crap! How was I going to get out of this one? I didn’t think they would actually follow those blogs unless they were around me. I thought they only followed them when they were here with me so that they could tease me about them.

“After all the times I begged you to let me join MEoW and you told me no? Oh, Edward! How could you?” Alice looked devastated. Oh, I couldn’t take that hurt look on her face.

“Well, I hadn’t planned on it. I didn’t even think about what I was doing…” I explained to them about the phone call I got from Sam and how the whole thing had been on impulse. How, after I had posted I, was so curious to see their/her reply that I came back and felt I had to post again. How it had instantaneously become addicting and still there had been no word or sign from her. How I had checked again this morning and the final post yesterday had been from her. I also admitted to having posted today as well, there was no point in denying it. Apparently, they would find out anyway.

“Well, still,” Alice was still pouting. “You shouldn’t have posted if we can’t.”

“Sweetheart, that’s not the point right now,” Jasper reminded her. “Edward, you posted yesterday and today, I saw them and the world hasn’t ended because of it. In fact, they didn’t even believe it was you. So, why don’t you send another post on MEoW, specifically to her? Ask her a direct question.”

“No, I couldn’t. If it leaked out to the press or the paps that it was really me…” I shuddered at the thought. I knew they would print every raunchy thing that had ever been said. Probably track down these women and reveal their identities. Drag their lives out into the public eye. No, there was no way I could continue to post on MEoW. Once in a great while, maybe, but I had to stop. In the time I had been lurking on their site, I had learned a great deal about some of them. I had grown to care about them.

Now, as I lay in bed rehashing the days’ events, I realized I missed it/them/Her. I couldn’t sleep anyway so I might as well grab my laptop and see what was going on. God knows, I may not get to visit with them for a few days. I grabbed a Coke, my cigarettes, an ashtray and my laptop and climbed back into bed. I got myself situated and logged on to my computer.

I hit MEoW first.

“KAT: Hi ladies, and dear Cullen… Holy crap man, if it’s really you… What the hell have you done to us??? o_O I haven’t been able to think clearly in 7 months. I think I might need therapy. My man thinks I’m nuts.”

“EdwardsCougar: I believe I’m having palpitations from the captions alone! And yes edward, I do want to take it off nice and slow while you watch… and lick and bite your fabulous jaw line… and run my fingers through your sex hair… and unbutton that shirt just a little more… and….. and…  *gulp* Okay I’m stopping there before I lose the ability to keep it PG to PG-13!”

That was all of the posts on MEow from any of my girls. As I clicked my way out of MEoW, I was recalling EdwardsDream-gurl’s earlier post…(Damn, I wished I knew her name)

“Top of the morning to ya Edward Darlin’.”

Was she Irish? Or Southern? There was something very attractive about a Southern accent to me. Everything was a mystery with her. I wanted to know everything.

“Have a Lovely day today Darlin’.”

That had stayed with me all day today and because it did, I had a good day. I kept trying to imagine the sound of her voice. What it would sound like to hear her say that word to me, Darlin’, and then there was this,

“When the sun sets gloriously over the horizon, I’ll be thinking of you knowing that maybe, just maybe, you’ll be looking upon that same sunset with me.”

This had stayed with me all day today, as well. I didn’t think I’d ever forget this. I did linger outside my trailer this evening and watched the sunset over the horizon. I tried to picture her doing the same thing. It was the strangest thing, but I felt closer to her somehow at that moment. I felt like we had truly shared something special and that, in some small way, we were connected.

“And when you’re ready for bed… hee hee you know *wink*”

I loved the way she always managed to pull this one off. So sexy, so seductive and yet, she really doesn’t say anything. Just this one little line had me grinning. My imagination picked it up and ran with it. I imagined that’s exactly what she had intended it to do. Clever girl. I kept thinking about what Jasper said, “Send her another post…ask her a direct question.” Her site was new, it didn’t have many visitors yet. Maybe I could post on her site. Maybe I could use a different user name and get to know her better.

From MEoW, I went straight to her site. I signed on as a member and it asked for an e-mail address, which I entered, and a user name. I decided to use “ExtremelyCurious” as a user name. It was the truth and, if shortened to initials as they so often did, it was my initials, EC. I chose one of the “Edward avatars” that were available, one that was just a head shot looking straight into the camera. In theory, looking at her.

I was supposed to fill in a profile. I thought about this for a while. Finally, I wrote, “Why do people like him so much?” That was also a truthful question I’d like to have answered. I didn’t know what else to write without giving anything away, so I left it alone and hit Submit.

As soon as it loaded, I clicked on the Video button to see if she had added anything else. There were two new videos and I clicked on one of them. Before the videos could start, my email notifier appeared. I clicked on my e-mail and it was an automated confirmation link asking me to verify that I had joined her site. I did that and went back to the site. I clicked on the video again and before it could start to play my e-mail went off again. Knowing I only had her site on RSS link in my e-mail account, I went back to my e-mail. EdwardsDream-gurl has left you a message.

Holy shit! She was here, now. I clicked on the link and it took me back to the Members page.

Hello, ExtremelyCurious, Welcome! Thanks for joining my site. I hope you enjoy your visit and come back again sometime. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with. Thanks again.”

I sat there frozen for a moment. Was this an automated welcome? It was two in the morning for me. That made it three for her. She said she didn’t sleep though. There was only one way to find out.

ExtremelyCurious: Thank You! You’ve created a lovely site here. Great job! 

I waited for a moment, trying to decide if I should do this or not and hoping to get up the courage to hit submit. Carpe Diem, I decided and hit Submit. To my surprise, her reply only took a moment.

EDG: Thank you *blushing* I’m pretty proud of it. You have an unusual profile for someone who just joined an Edward Cullen Fan site. 🙂

EC: As well you should be. Yes, I suppose I do. I’m just trying to figure out what all the fuss is about.

EDG: Are you kidding me?

EC:  No, Not at all. What do you like about him?

EDG: Umm…EVERYTHING! SRSLY. Have you looked around my site at all? Checked out the photo slide shows (they are set to music if you watch them in full screen mode) or the videos?

EC:  Actually I was getting ready to watch a video when your message came through. But no I haven’t seen the slide shows yet.

EDG: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. If I can help in any way, just say the word. I’ll be here for awhile. Enjoy.

Shit! She was going to leave. I didn’t want her to go.

EC: Oh you’re not bothering me. If you are not busy, Plz don’t go yet. Actually this was exactly what I was hoping for, someone to talk to me about “The Edsession.” Do you mind?

I cringed at writing the word Edsession. I didn’t want to mislead her at all. I didn’t want to imply that I was OCD, I just didn’t want to reveal who I truly was for both her sake and mine. Everyone had a username so I didn’t feel like I was lying to her, although I couldn’t tell her who I was teither. At least, not yet, not where everyone who logged in could see our posts.

EDG: I take it you are finding yourself Edsessed and finding it hard to accept. Trying to figure out why? Well, he is my favorite topic these days. I’ll try to find something good to say *giggles* about Mr. Cullen. LOL

I laughed, she was being playfully sarcastic. I liked that. She had a great sense of humor, I could tell that already.

EC: No, not, exactly. Just trying to understand the fascination/obsession people claim to have. I take it you find Edward Cullen attractive then?

I felt bad about that post the minute I sent it. It could be considered deceptive and that’s the last thing I wanted to do or be. I wanted to be as honest as possible without revealing who I was. I had to be more careful with my words. I didn’t want to imply in any way that I was Edward, or that I wasn’t.

EDG: Bwahahahhahaha! Now I know you’re joking! MR. Sex on Legs? Mr. Piano Fingers? The Precious? The Pretty? God’s-gift-to-women? The Divine? No! I do not find him attractive at all. He is Rock My World Gorgeous!! He’s Sofa King HAWT! He is the end all and beat all, A Prince Among Men, The Finest man I’ve ever laid eyes on…um do you have a couple of years to hear all this b/c it would take me that long to explain it? 😀

Holy shit! That was some description! Of me? Jeee-sus! I loved the laughter at the beginning though. I was grinning like an idiot because of it, and all the compliments too. This woman could make a man’s ego explode. Mr. Sex on legs?? Where had that come from?? God’s gift to women?? For real? Oh Lord have mercy! WTF was I going to say to this? Prince among men? The Finest man I ever laid eyes on? Ho-lee hell! If this was anyone else, I’d think they were barking mad but something told me she was sincere, albeit being playful about it.

EC:  LOL No, I’m not joking. I have awhile yet for you to explain. And I can always return. That’s certainly high praise for a mortal man, don’t you think? So it’s just a matter of looks then? Just a Twilight fascination?

EDG: Don’t YOU think he’s sexy?????  You can come back any time Darlin’ I’m always around you can click on my name and send me a PM if you want as well, it goes straight to my e-mail and that will reach me no matter where I am. “High Praise?” I don’t think so. I’m not sure if there are words in the English dictionary that could describe the beautiful things about Edward or the way he makes me feel. “Just a matter of Looks?” Oh, God No! He IS SEXY! Make no mistake about it but it’s not only his looks. My attraction to Edward has absolutely NOTHING to do with Twilight BB. Not for me anyway. Hmm, pondering how to explain this?

Gah! I was just going to have to ignore that first question and hope it slid under the rug. “Darlin’”, she called me Darlin’ again, but she didn’t know it was me. Lord, how I wanted to hear her call me that in person. Well, after tonight, if I ever got the balls to do this again, at least it would be in private message format, not where everyone could read our every word.

EC: If it’s not a Twilight thing then why did you go to all of this trouble to build a fan site?

EDG: If you check out everything on my site you’ll learn that there is little to no reference to Twilight other than a vague mention of it to give Edward the credit for his work. It’s definitely NOT a Twilight thing Darlin’. It’s an EDWARD CULLEN fan site, for the man in general. For all of his works, talents and beauty combined. I first saw him in Twilight, later realized he was Cedric Diggory, but my affection/attraction for the man didn’t start until much later. It was after New Moon even.

Wow, I hadn’t thought about it till she had pointed it out but she was right, there was no reference to Twilight on here that I had seen. So her OCD was about me. It wasn’t just transferred from Robert the vampire to me. Wow, I was completely flattered. I didn’t know what to say to that. Change of tactics.

EC: I lurked here for a couple of days before I joined. I’ve read your blog and your poems, (you’ve got mad skills as a writer/poet btw & I’d really like to talk to you more about this on another day) is that really the way you discovered you had “OCD”?

EDG: OCD, Mad skills… You have been lurking for awhile haven’t you?  Thank you for that lovely compliment. I’d be happy to talk to you any time, hun. Edward inspires me. I’ve never let anyone read what I’ve written before. I’ve got a great idea for a Fan Fiction but I don’t know if I have the courage or the talent to do something like that.  Yes, my Edsession blog it is pretty much word for word the way it happened exactly, except…Edward’s Music…it played a much larger part in  it than I could describe, there are just no words at all to explain it. I’ve tried, repeatedly but…I don’t know…the only way I could even come close is at the bottom of my Edward’s Music Page. His song, “I’ll be your Lover too”… *shaking head in defeat* there’re just no words to explain the beauty in this man’s voice. All of his music is there, you should look into it.

Trust me beautiful, you did an excellent job! You completely swept me away, I said to my monitor.

EC: You Definitely have the talent love. You write beautifully. You should go for it! You sound like a music lover yourself. Marcus Foster wrote Broken and there seems to be some playful disagreement as to whether that twit Sam Bradley wrote/stole the lyrics to Never Think. So, yes, I am very familiar with the music love.

EDG: Awww what a sweet thing to say about my writing * Major Blushing now* Thank You. Wow! I guess you are familiar with him and his music. And you still don’t get it? You must be lurking in a lot of places. Do you play? You said, “TWIT” *giggles* that’s what Edward calls him. 😀 *giggles s’more* Don’t you just adore the British and the way they talk? I LOVE the way Edward says certain words. I’d love to just sit and talk with him for hours you know? Well, no I guess you don’t. LOL not if you don’t understand the whole Edward thing. Stick with me BB and I’ll have you drooling over him like the rest of us in no time! *Wink*

Oh! I was enjoying this so very much! She liked the word Twit, huh? Damn! I had an image of the two of us talking and her giggling when I said the word Twit. Hell, I’d invent reasons to say it! I had to stop smiling, my face was starting to hurt. I could just imagine if Jasper and Alice saw me now! I couldn’t wait to hear the words she’d liked to hear me say because there were words I was dying to hear her say as well.

EC: LMAO yes, I’m familiar with Cullen’s music skills. And Yes, I do play. I can seriously say that I doubt I will ever “drool over Edward Cullen.” *rolling my eyes* Definitely not! I’d better love the British or my mum and the Queen shall have me disowned. What words do you like to hear Edward say? I’m sure Edward would love to be able to sit for hours and have a conversation. Especially with someone as lovely, kind, understanding and entertaining as you have been with me tonight err… this morning. LOL

EDG: OH! You’re British as well? Yay! So nice to meet you! What do you play? Do you sing as well?  Words I like to hear Edward say are: bouffant, naughty, girls, can’t, class, awesome, thirteen, little laugh, a**, heartbreaking, home, broken, romantic/romance. *giggles* Oh, the man just makes me smile so… *grinning like an idiot just thinking about him* That’s very sweet of you to say. *blushing* I’ve enjoyed talking with you as well, Very much! You are very kind and a joy to talk to. 😀 There’s like a 5 hr difference between us. It must be very late/early there. Its 4:30 a.m. here.

She blushed every time I paid her a compliment, or at least she said she did. I liked that about her too. I wanted to make her blush in person. I wanted to pay her a compliment and watch her cheeks turn a rosy pink. I wanted to see her smile, wanted to hear her giggle and her laugh. That was an odd compilation of words. I wonder what she liked about the way I said them?

EC: It’s been an absolute pleasure meeting you too! YOU make ME laugh and smile a lot, Thank you! It’s only 3:30 here. I’m from London but I’m not in London. I play the guitar and piano as well. Yes, I do sing though I don’t get to do either one as much as I would like. As a music lover, do you play an instrument or sing? Do you mind if I ask, are you Southern? You sound quite smitten with Cullen.

EDG: Oh well, Thank you too, hun! You play the same things Edward does! Cool! No wonder you are familiar with him. I don’t play an instrument at all BB. I would have loved to though. As for the singing… that is a long story, another night, another time perhaps? Yes, I am “quite smitten” (another lovely British phrase :D) with Edward Cullen. He has such a lovely, happy, caring personality. He’s someone who could be your lover and your best friend and more. At least, that’s my impression of him. Oh what I’d give to meet that man!

WHOA! That was a nice compliment. It’s like she could read my mind, more than that, like she knew my desires. That was exactly what I wanted to find in a woman someday, best friend, lover, companion, wife. Someone like that would be my dream girl.

EC:  RE: “As for the singing… that is a long story, another night, another time perhaps?” That’s a date! A story I must hear. And perhaps we can talk about your “skills” as a Talented poet/writer and other literature as well?  I will definitely come back again sometime. Thank you for a lovely evening err… morning EdwardsDream-gurl. It’s been an Honor and a pleasure.

EDG: *Blushing again* You are too kind. I’ll be looking forward to it. The pleasure has been all mine Darlin’. Good night/morning. 😛

I put away my laptop and lay down, the most impossibly huge grin on my face. I had a “date” with “her.” I wished there was a way for me to learn her name without having to reveal mine or lie about it. I did notice that her shortened user name, EDG was kind of fitting. She certainly put me on EDGe in a very good way. Damn! I just realized she didn’t answer my question about being Southern. The next few days without her were going to be very difficult but, by Monday, I’d keep my date with My Dream girl.


I really loved doing this blogging stuff. It was so much fun. I could say what I truly felt and didn’t have to worry about being embarrassed about it. The internet made me so brave. I was making friends left and right, thanks to Edward, and they were all so helpful and encouraging. That was something I hadn’t had a lot of in my life, encouragement.

This new member seemed like someone I could really become close friends with. And British too, just like Edward. ExtremelyCurious was very sweet and polite. I liked her already.

Chapter 6


Chapter 6


By the time Jasper arrived just a few minutes later I was pacing the floor, desperately running my hands through my hair. I wasn’t even sure why I called him or what I wanted to say or how much I wanted to tell him. What did I expect him to do, make it go away? Explain it all to me? How could he do that when I couldn’t explain anything to him, or to myself.

“Okay,” Jasper said upon entering the trailer, “that was cryptic. What’s wrong?”

I just looked up at him and then ran my fingers through my hair again.

Jasper looked around the room and a knowing smile spread across his face.

“Oh, I see,” he replied, the corners of his mouth lifting in a smile. Jasper was always so calm and collected, never overly exuberant, never showing more than a hint of anger even when he was at his most furious. He hid his true emotions all too well. It was rare to see him with more than a faint smile. Calm radiated from Jasper the way joy radiated from Alice. That’s why I had called him; his mere presence alone was soothing. “You see what?” I asked.

“Her again,” Jasper said , nodding towards my laptop. His smile was pleasant and kind. The kind of smile you’d give to a friend.

“What about her?” I asked, surprised at the defensiveness and protectiveness I heard in my own voice. Where had that come from, and why?

“She’s just different. Alice thinks so too,” Jasper smiled. He seemed unable to take his eyes off my monitor.

“You told Alice about her?” I screeched. I was appalled. I wanted to yell at him and tell him to stop looking at her like that! I realized how idiotic that sounded since it was just words on a screen but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I didn’t know why or where it was coming from but I just didn’t like the fact that other people knew about her. I didn’t like knowing that other people could read what she said to me. Those poems were Mine! I didn’t want anyone to know but me. She was Mine!

WTF? Where had that thought come from? That was ridiculous! I must be barking mad! I cradled my head in my hands in a small attempt to maintain a grasp on my sanity. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams and even that worried me. I was overthinking things again, I knew that, but seriously, a woman I’d never met was writing about my dreams! Wasn’t that reason enough to freak out?

“No, actually, Alice told me about her but I had just started to notice…” my head snapped up to glare at Jasper.

“Notice what? What did Alice say? You keep saying she’s different, what do you mean by that?” I barked.

“Geez Edward, calm down. What’s got you so riled up?” Jasper said. He finally took his eyes off my monitor, off of her, and looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. The anger instantly washed away from me and I was once again filled with remorse for my actions.

“Why did you automatically assume that she was what was wrong with me when you came in here?” I asked. I had to figure this out. I had to know what Jasper was thinking.

Jasper shrugged his shoulders and crossed the room to sit on the other end of the couch. “You’re pretty calm and patient Edward. A little nervous at times around strangers or crowds but otherwise you’re easygoing and you don’t normally snap or yell at people. You don’t normally avoid or shy away from your family as you have for the past two days. The only thing that’s changed in your life recently is her.”

“But she’s not in my life,” I said sarcastically.  Jasper didn’t seem to pick up on the sarcasm or what it implied. It took a few moments for the implications to hit home with me. I didn’t like the thought and I pushed it out of my mind.

“Isn’t she? She’s definitely in your head and instead of enjoying her, you’re torturing yourself. What I can’t figure out is why.”

“You haven’t read her poem, you don’t know…”

“You mean ‘Midnight Rendezvous’? Yeah, I read it. It was lovely, so?” Jasper said. I stared at him shocked. He’d read it already? It was still morning. I thought I was the only one who checked the sites in the morning.

“So I dreamed it.” I told him.

“Well that’s certainly understandable. It’s very descriptive and romantic. You’ve always been an old world romantic, Edward. It only makes…” Jasper said.

“I dreamed it before she wrote it.” I exclaimed, effectively cutting him off. That got his attention. His eyebrows raised in surprise.

“That’s… unusual.” He said.

Unusual? That’s all you’ve got to say, Unusual? How about insane, impossible, supernatural?” I squealed. I couldn’t stand the strain in my own voice. I sounded snarky even to myself. Before Jasper could reply, there was a knock on my trailer door. I jumped up to answer the door, not at all surprised to see Alice’s tiny figure at the base of my steps. I was actually more surprised that she hadn’t shown up earlier.

“Can I come in?” She asked. I could never refuse Alice anything really. I especially couldn’t refuse her when she looked so small and frail with her eyes full of concern for me. I pushed the door open and held it in an invitation for her to come in. She bounced up the steps even though her mood was subdued.

“Oh! She’s back. Yay!” Alice said with a giddy little clap of her hands. I stood there with my jaw dragging the floor, the door still in my hand. “I like her too, Edward. She’s different from the others.” Alice said cheerfully. She was looking at me as though I had just introduced her to my girlfriend.

I slammed the door with unnecessary force and returned to the sofa. If it wasn’t so early I would get a beer from the fridge. As it was though, I fished my smokes out of my pocket and lit one.

“What did I say?” Alice asked, the look on her face was injured.

“Nothing Darling, you just struck a nerve is all.” Jasper comforted her. He patted the sofa cushion for her to sit beside him; she chose to sit on the arm of the sofa instead. Jasper laid his arm along the length of her leg, his hand over her knee in a very familiar and comfortable way. I couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous of the closeness they shared. It was something I had never known and secretly longed for. I just hadn’t realized it for what it was until now.

“You mean …,” Alice gestured at my computer and frowned. “But I thought for sure you would like her. I thought you would see how…unusual she is.”

“Oh bloody hell!” I exclaimed, and stormed into the other room. I had to calm down and get a grip. I didn’t know what I was feeling and, because of that, my confusion was coming out as anger and that anger was being directed at two of my favorite people in the whole world. I didn’t want that. I had to go apologize.

“Alice, Jazz…”, I said, as I entered the living room, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I resumed my seat on the sofa. I had my elbows resting on my knees with my head in my hands. I was frustrated and confused.

“It’s OK, Edward,” Alice replied with a smile. “Just so you know, mutual dreaming isn’t as rare as you might think. You can Google it if you want.” My eyes snapped opened wide at her statement. I knew Jasper would fill her in, I was just surprised to hear that one, it had a name and two, that Alice knew what it was.

“Jazz and I have done it. I imagine Rose and Emmett have as well.” That got my attention even more so than knowing it had a name.

“That’s why I said it was unusual,” Jasper was saying. “You haven’t even met her and then there’s this shared dream between you two. It can be common for two people who are very close and share a lot of the same feelings, usually shared feelings toward each other. Add to that how different she is and well, it’s just unusual. I would hardly call it insane or supernatural.”

“Okay let’s just take this one thing at a time shall we? Let’s start with the small stuff and build up to this dream stuff.” I said, trying to pull myself together. Jasper was the calm one, Alice was the cheerful, loving one. I was the rational, organized one and that was what I was trying to do now. Organize my thoughts and problems and try to rationalize them. The problem was that I had a tendency to overthink things. “You have both said she is different from the others. Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just the way she writes, it’s different. It’s like she understands and knows you. She obviously respects you. I get the feeling from her posts, and even more from her website, that we would be they very best of friends,” Alice explained.

“Really? When I read the things she writes, I get the feeling she’s like my kid sister and I’m proud of her. Oddly enough, I feel protective of her. Strange how you can feel that way about someone you don’t truly know.” Jasper said, showing his surprise, which was uncommon for him. Their revelations were a surprise to me. To Alice she was best friend, to Jasper she was kid sister, to me she was… what?…sexy, sweet, shy, endearing, funny, romantic, honest, seductive, respectful, an enigma, talented, beautiful heart and soul, a mystery, everything a man could want.

“What about you, Edward? What do you think of her?” Alice asked. Without removing my hand from my hair, I looked at Alice in what I thought was an angry look. She must have read more into my expression than I knew.

“Oh-ho! I see.” She giggled in reply. Jasper had the good sense to cover the smile that was threatening to break into laughter with a fake lip scratch. “Now I understand.”

“Understand what?” Before she could reply, my computer made a bleeping sound. I didn’t know what it was at first. If anyone wanted to reach me, they used my cell phone. No one e-mailed me because I didn’t use it for anything. Then I remembered the RSS link. I tore across the living room to my laptop. I didn’t bother to check the looks Jasper and Alice gave each other. I didn’t want to know what they thought. I was right, she had updated her site. I clicked the link and chewed on my thumb while I waited for it to open. It opened to a Blog letter. In the top left corner was her avatar, followed by the blog:

How I Became Edsessed

Finally, I thought I would get some answers, maybe.

I’ve had to teach myself how to do all that you see here as I am new to this entire world of computers and Edsession. I finally finished building my Edalicious website and now I’m writing my first Blog. I can’t think of a better topic for any Blog than Edward, can You? I mean, you just have to LOVE a man who says things like, “I’m just a tool. I’m just A Big Hard Tool!” *LMAO* I thought for starters it would be best to explain how I got here, neck deep in my Edsession, because it wasn’t through the normal venues that others have found him.

I could feel the blush creeping into my cheeks. I wondered how many other embarrassing things I had said that she knew about.

Yes, I was born “normal”, as they say, but my Edsession came about in an unusual way and Girrrl, let me tell you, that man rocks my world! It’s all my Mother’s and mostly Niece’s fault!! And you know who I mean squirt!! 😛 But it’s not what you think, She does not like Edward and especially not Robert. (I know, I know, there’s no accounting for taste. She obviously does not have my impeccable taste for excellence! LOL)

I couldn’t help myself, I was grinning like an idiot and all the tension and nerves I had felt just a second ago was gone. I felt light hearted and happy again. She was new to computer and she had a niece, which meant she had siblings. She was funny and apparently fun to be with.

Anyway, I wanted to buy the Twilight novel, but couldn’t afford it at the time. Several weeks later my Mother bought the book for herself. I swear I have never see her read for that long at one time and I’ve Never, Ever seen her laugh and smile while Reading. Whenever she wasn’t reading Twilight it was always…”Robert this” and “Robert did that” and, “you gotta read this book WHEN I’M DONE.” I was getting sick of the name and I often had to ask “Who’s Robert?” or “Who/What are you talking about?”

She couldn’t afford to buy a book? That bothered me. I loved that she said “who’s Robert”. That confirmed my suspicions. She wasn’t just transferring the vampire image onto me. That was great.

She rented the movie on three different occasions and frankly, I didn’t get it. You could tell it was a low budget film. It was pretty dark and kind of hard to see. Robert the vampire was kind of creepy white, Rude and a little mean.

Then late one night Mom finally finished the book and did something else I never expected her to do…the woman, who hates to drive at night and avoids it at all costs, called me up, dragged me out of bed (while reading a book of my own) to go to the store for her to buy New Moon!!! Hmmph! Had she lost her mind? Then she did the same thing for Eclipse only by now it was winter and (I DESPISE the cold) I had to get out in the cold in the middle of the night and go get the book for her!!! I was really starting not to like this “Twilight” and would be glad when all the books were done.

Yes! I loved this about her. She, like me, must love her family very much and found it difficult to say no to them when they asked for help.

I finally finished the book I was reading and Mom lit-trah-ly forced Twilight on me. “OK fine! I’ll read the stupid book.” I devoured the damn thing in one night. I went to work that morning completely Zonked from lack of sleep but happy as I could be. I thought Robert was so cool. On my way home I rented Twilight and watched it like 4 times that night. But no, this is not where my Edsession begins, not yet. I too devoured all the books the moment they came into my hands.

Thank God. I thought I had lost her for a minute there.

My mom carried on so about the amber eyed Robert that I bought a poster for her (and yes, OK, a little bit for me too, he is a handsome thing with those hypnotic golden eyes.) and hung it up on the enclosed front porch where we spent most of our time. My niece was like, “Ewww, just Ewww,” so I got her a Taylor poster and hung it underneath Robert’s, next to the floor, for her. The thing is that the Robert poster could be seen from the road, Taylor’s could not.

The neighborhood girls began stopping me while I was getting mail or out for a walk to say, and I Quote, “Thank you for hanging Robert up on your porch, I get to see him every day when I get off the school bus now.” end quote. *giggles* I got the biggest kick out of that. It drove my niece nuts. She just hated it that Robert was there, always watching over everything with his Beautiful amber eyes. She had to look down to see Taylor, I always told her, “That’s where dogs belong, on the floor.” And thus ensued nearly a year of dog vs. vampire insults we playfully threw at each other just to egg the other one on. Not long after New Moon was released at theaters, we moved and Robert and Taylor’s posters came off my wall and never went back up. Robert was all but forgotten…

Good! I’d be glad to be rid of him myself. That was cute that she and her niece got along so well. That they could tease each other like that. It reminded me of Emmett and Jasper and I.

Until my niece and her much younger sister came to spend the night and, out of the blue, the little one said, “I Lub Robert!” She was 3 at the time.

Oh Geez! Three? For real? I rolled my eyes at the thought,

My oldest niece, Andrea (She’s 11 now), freaked out the way girls at that age do, “Eww, how could you! He’s dead and cold! He drinks blood! EEEWWWWW!”

You tell them, Andrea! I liked her already. Smart kid.

Well the 3 year old didn’t understand all that, she just thought he was “Purdy” and her sister acted so silly when HIS name was mentioned. So, needless to say, his name got mentioned a lot! *giggle snort* Being the loving aunt that I am, I conspired with my youngest niece to totally drive her sister crazy. I began to search for wallpapers of Robert to put on my cousin’s computer. Andrea always replaced them. She was always quite vocal about it too! *L* But one day she replaced my Vamp wallpaper…

 with one of her own, but didn’t tell me. Imagine my surprise when my vamp wallpaper was replaced by this…

There was a picture of me in my Twilight baseball uniform running away with Voldemort chasing after me. A caption bubble above my head read, “Oh no! Not again!” I thought it was Brilliant. I couldn’t stop laughing. Someone had mad photo shop skills.

So to get even, I collected pictures of Edward to run a slide show. I was going to e-mail them to the little wise-ass. That’s when it started. We all know you can’t look for pics of Robert and not find pics of Edward.

Suddenly this previously scruffy “Kid”, who looked pretty good as Robert the vamp but looked kind of rough and grungy as himself, was starting to stare at me with a smile that was contagious. Then there was a pic where his hair was just gorgeous! I wanted to touch it. Run my fingers through it. Then, how the hell did he get that strong jaw? I didn’t see that before. Wow, he’s got nice hands….actually he’s got REEALLY nice hands. Huh, his eyes, they were a glorious shade of blue-gray. I never noticed how attractive his eyes were without those Stupid amber contacts. Hhmmm, he’s not so pale after all… and so it went for months.

*Gulp* She wanted to touch my hair? Run her fingers through it? I’d heard this and more on other blogs, why did the same words coming from her put certain parts of my anatomy on alert? She liked my smile, and my jaw and my hands too. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I was glad it wasn’t my looks alone that held her attention. My image of her combined with the images her words conjured up in my mind were freakin HOT! I had a feeling cold showers were going to become a part of my daily routine.

She said she was a painter. I wondered what she painted? What was her style of painting? Slowly, I was learning more about her and the more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. I was becoming obsessed with her. I accepted it, if only to myself and only in silence, I accepted it, I owned it for what it was.

It was all starting to hit home now. All these women who claimed to be obsessed with me? I never believed it because I just didn’t understand how they could claim to know me when I didn’t even know me. Yet, here I was getting obsessed with her and I could guarantee she knew far more about me than I knew about her. I was beginning to understand now. All I had were a few well-chosen words and a few poems, and yet I felt I knew a lot about her. I could only imagine how these women at MEoW and LTE felt about me after having followed me for years, watched interviews, read articles, watched my movies and heard my music.

At any rate, the next thing I knew my “Robert File” I had been using to torture my niece with was suddenly full of pictures of EDWARD! WTF?? How’d that happen? Must have been Andrea messing with me. Oh well, I’ll just delete them right? WRONG! I opened the files and enlarged the pics so I could distinguish Edward from Rob and there he was in all of his glory! (Damn him.) He was Staring at me…That, that look, OMG! (click) OH! He’s got Sexeyes in this pic! (click) and, WOW his eyes are just WOW! (click) he’s biting that lower lip and…(click)Oh my! He really shouldn’t chew on his thumb that way it’s so…(click!) Whoa! He don’t look like a “kid” any more…(click) he’s got the sexiest pout…Oh man, he is…(click)…*Computer crash* Huh? WTF??

NNNNNOOOOOooooo……!!!!!! *Insert Multiple Profanities here*

Oh Lord! I was laughing my ass off now! She was funny! And, yes, I was blushing too. I was incredibly flattered by her words but I was laughing so hard at her wild sense of humor that it didn’t get to me as physically as it had before.

It happened every time I tried to log on after that. One or two clicks and then he was gone! It’d take 40 minutes to get my cousin’s ancient computer running again only for it to crash 5 minutes later. Damn it! I was like a junkie whose supplier had been imprisoned! I was suffering from withdrawl!!! I needed an Edward-fix. I needed to see him again. I needed…I needed…A NEW LAPTOP!

Christmas morning, Tah-DAH! Laptop! Yeeessss!! EDWARD WAS MINE!!!! LOL

I was laughing so hard I was wiping tears from my eyes now! Oh, I enjoyed this woman so very much! I could just imagine her dancing around her living room with joy on Christmas morning in her P.J’s saying that last line. “Tah-DAH! Laptop! Yeeessss!! EDWARD WAS MINE!!!!”  It made me laugh even more. She was just fucking brilliant!!!

Somewhere in the back of my mind, it registered that she had said the same thing about me that I had just thought about her moments ago. She was Mine! My heart was doing a wild tap dance at the thought but I forced myself not to think about it till later. Much later, when I was alone.

I’ve been here ever since…surfing, lurking, reading, collecting Pics, videos, animations, sound bites…Anything that has Edward (NOT ROB.) on it or in it. 2,000 pics and growing. I maybe a little late to the Par-tee but I’m catching up quick!

I loved, loved that she had put not Rob in shouty capital letters. That truly tickled me.

I’m completely, Edsessed and at last, I’m Home!!    



Beneath this was a picture of me from one of many photo shoot out takes and someone had photo shopped the saying “He is like a drug to me and I am completely addicted.” For some reason, the last sentence had really touched my heart, “I’m completely, Edsessed and at last, I’m Home!!” It made me feel warm and…deeply comforted and yet, somehow longing for something I’d never known and still could not name.

As had become my habit over the last couple days (had it really only been a few days?), I scrolled down to the bottom of the page and, as usual, this very UNusual woman managed to surprise me.

*Note: Just a day after I first discovered Edward through the “Robert file” I remembered reading somewhere that this man was a talented musician. Being an avid music lover myself of all forms of music, classical included, I was intrigued to hear what kind of music he liked to listen to and play. I began to search for that information just out of sheer curiosity. I learned that he was an accomplished musician, pianist, guitarist, song writer and composer. Finally, I learned that he sang as well. I searched for mp3’s of him singing and, from the moment I heard his beautiful soulful moving voice, I knew I was lost forever. I had never heard anything like it, nothing had ever touched me so deeply before and I knew it never would again. That was the true moment of my obsession. All the rest was just Icing on an impossibly beautiful and perfect cake.*

“Wow, just … wow,” I breathed softly. I sat there for a long time just staring at her words, lost in thoughts and feelings I didn’t know how to express or name or describe. I suddenly remembered that Alice and Jasper had been here before. My heart jumped up in my throat. Completely aware of how I had been behaving over the last several moments, I slowly turned to find them. I could feel the blood rushing into my cheeks as I looked at them sheepishly. Alice and Jasper had snuggled up together in each other’s arms on the couch and both of them were grinning like a couple of idiots…at me!


I didn’t think I’d ever get Jake to leave yesterday. All I had wanted to do was run back to my computer and see what else Edward had to say. It wasn’t a problem to get Jake to stop the flirty stuff with me yesterday. Usually, it only took a look or just saying his name a certain way to put a stop to it and get him back into ‘friend’ mode. However, he kept doing it the entire time he was here. That was not like him. When Jake finally did leave, long after dinner, I made a mad dash for my laptop but Edward hadn’t posted anything else. I was shocked at how disappointed I was by this. I was even more shocked by some of the comments made to and about him. I wondered if he found them funny, or insulting, or offensive. I figured from what I knew of him, he would find them funny because Edward was too humble to believe that their remarks were truly aimed at him. Several cast and crew had said that he had a wonderful sense of humor for the absurd. One thing I was certain of was that Edward would find all of these crazy ladies, and their sexually advancing comments about him, absurd. No, I was certain that Edward Cullen would find these blogs and the ladies comments hysterically funny.

I closed the MEoW website and sat there staring at the beautiful face of Edward Cullen that I was currently using as my wallpaper. I was crazy about this man I did not know. He was so freaking sexy and beautiful and his voice, which I could not stop listening to, kept me in a perpetual state of…turned on (for lack of a more lady-like word)! I was having wild daytime fantasies about him and vivid, teasing, dreams about him that just made the whole situation worse. Adding more fuel to the flame, there was Jake, with his great body and handsome face so close, so admiring, so flirtatious, continuously whispering sexy, suggestive things in my ear, reaching out to touch me…Gah! My body was begging me to jump into his arms, close my eyes and pretend he was Edward. Just let Jake make the ache go away. The really crazy part was that, even if I was the type of girl who could do something like that (and I was so not that type), I knew without a doubt in my mind that I would feel like I was cheating on Edward! Now, THAT was crazy. How could I be cheating on him when he didn’t even know I was alive? But I knew in my heart it was true and the guilt would kill me. God, Edward Cullen had ruined me for any other man.

I went to bed that night around 1 in the morning, but I only slept for a little while. I had the strangest dream about playing a game of tag with Edward through a grove of trees. I wanted to let him catch me but, for some strange reason, it had to be around a certain tree. A tree that was divided like the song said, “She was standing there by the broken tree,” only it wasn’t exactly broken, it just grew into a V shape with multiple twisted branches spiraling off of it. I finally managed to make my way to the tree with Edward close behind. I spoke his name and reached out for him, and just as he reached for me… I woke up.

I felt so lonely after that I couldn’t sleep. I eventually gave up and went where I felt closest to him, my website. I had tons of stuff on it but I had only published a little bit so far. I just wanted to do Edward justice with my site and I was double and triple checking everything on there one at a time before I published it. I watched several of the photo album slide shows and still, the dream would not leave me. I set Edward’s music to play from my website, brought up my favorite picture of him, and (still so old fashioned) I grabbed a note book and pen and started to write. My poem was done in 30 minutes. The darn thing spilled out of me so fast it practically wrote itself. I typed it up and posted it on my web page. I still wasn’t prepared to let him go for the night so, with the songs playing and the picture enlarged to full screen, I set my laptop on my nightstand and turned off the light. I fell asleep that night looking in to the eyes of the most amazing man.

Now, I was back on MEoW curious to see what would happen today. If yesterday’s post was from the real Edward, would he post again today? How long would this go on?

Bring it on Edward!

After yesterday’s supposed visit from our Dear Edward and all The Squeeeing e-mail I received asking if it was really him, (I’m still not sure but I have my suspicions to the positive) I couldn’t stop thinking about the good old days when Edward was out and about doing promos for Eclipse. The F*CK HOT Italy Edward days. Oh Baby! So sitting here in my melancholy mood I decided to do a repost and Reminisce over the best days of my Edsession.


It’s late, and I’m tired but there’s something about seeing Edward among the stacks that gets me HOT!  Maybe it’s because he’s in Italy with the “I just got laid” hair, maybe it’s the f*cking hot Helmut Lang grey shirt that does it to me…hell!

Anyway, here are some pretties to look at and after the jump there’s even a video from this Rome book signing chock full of porn…JawPorn, FingerPorn, ManFurPorn oh yea.

What followed was a series of pictures from the Melbooks Italy book signing. The first, a split photo of Edward taking off his coat to reveal the slate gray Helmut Lang shirt and smiling. His hair a wild disarray and abso-freakin-lutely, perfectly hot. With the following caption underneath it:

HELLO JawPorn, FingerPorn...looking a little ruffled from the ride over *wink* and I mean RIDE!

The next picture was a profile of him signing a book. It showed off the razor sharp, melt you to the bone, jaw-line. The angle of it so strong I had never seen anything like it and as it sounded, even his jaw-line was effing HOT! Damn! Beneath that was the following caption. (Damn JET! She just made it Worse! God love her for that!)

Don't you just wanna run your tongue right along that jawwwww...fantasizing in 3-2-1.

Again, a picture of him signing but this one from the front showing a close up of those sexy hands. Caption:


Mmm check out the fingers!


And one of my gorgeous Edward running his hand through his hair. It had become known as his trademark move but I truly believed he was not fully aware of just how often he did it. I knew he didn’t have a clue as to how sexy it was to all of us. Caption:

That's it ED Baby run those fingers through your hair *poof*

Then there was that picture, the one where I had first noticed his lovely hands. The one I had found in my file of Edward sitting at a table smiling with his hands clasped under his chin. I hadn’t noticed then the look on his face or all the things that popped into the mind looking in those eyes. The caption JET had added could have been anyone of us saying it to him or, more than likely, what we would have liked to have him say to us! Just the thought of that alone was enough to bring you to your knees, I mean  … um, make you weak in the knees, I thought. Hell, they were rubbing off on me! I was completely giggling and squeeing at my own damn thoughts about this man. Either way, the sheer thought of it and the images it brought to mind were stunning. Caption:

That's it baby, take it off nice and slow while I watch.

The final picture was a little odd but cute as hell. It looked like Edward was peeking around the corner of the picture, his whole torso and face slanting in, taking up the entire left side. On the right side were stacks upon stacks of Eclipse books. The caption had me laughing and fantasizing about that too. The caption:

Wanna go behind the stacks? I'll let you touch my book mark baby.

Finally, there was a very long video.  Too bad you couldn’t hear a thing on it because there was so many people waiting in line to get their books signed but they never, not once, stopped screaming. The first few seconds it was funny, then annoying, and finally it just became torture. How does he stand it? Every time a reporter tried to ask Edward a question, you could tell he was straining to hear it and sometimes he just couldn’t make out the question at all. It was all pointless because his reply couldn’t be heard either. I felt sorry for him. How many hours did he sit there and listen to that? Was it always like that? God, how stressful that would be after just a short while.

“Rudysmom2008: Oh my GOD.

You lit’rally just DIED me with the caption for that picture!!!

“That’s it baby, take it off nice and slow while I watch”

I am completely speechless and I’m pretty sure I blacked out.

Send the Edamedics! STAT!”

“NeverShy: OH YEAH!!! The picture left me breathless…but the caption threw me over the edge….                           Send the Edamedics to me when you’re done, I need to ask them about a tingling sensation I’ve had for a while now….funny it intensifies when I’m looking at Rob, thinking about Rob, imagining…..well, you get the idea…..”

“ChatterBox: Okay, seriously, I need to get this off my chest first. I don’t understand the need for tweeners to do the high-pitched squeals. IF you want him to know you love him, do an Ed chant or something. I understand they’re excited b/c it’s Edward FUCKHOT Cullen, but damn! UGH, the squeals are just likely to give him a migraine and scare him off. That being said, Mr. Cullen, I’ll scream….. YOUR NAME (ifyaknowwhatimean) anytime you want me to…… anyplace as well.”

“Amen, Sister!” I wanted to yell. My God, screaming like that was just pointless and disrespectful.

“EdwardsFuture: @ JET, I have to say I ❤ your captions to death! You seriously are mad talented with your picture choices and wording. You seem to capture my thoughts and feeling so completely. I fucking love that shirt and how he wore it. Something about that man and buttons…. or that man in anything or nothing at all that is so sexy! He fucking kills me, everything about him is Edgasmic. Once again, JET, I bow down to your fucking awesomeness. Oh, also, “Real Edward” please cum back to play with me….I mean us MEoW girls again.”

I had to laugh. He was incredibly sexy in grays and blues. It brought out the color in his eyes and just enhanced his skin coloring. Yeah, I thought to myself, can Edward come out to play? Oh geeze! How I wanted to know this man!

“DazzleMeEC: JET, did you take a vacation in my brain? b/c I swear you have pulled out one of my greatest fantasies with Edward! I mean it would be amazing. You know that man will drive you fucking crazy with his “skills” and the knowing you cannot scream like you want……Guuuuuuh, yes please! I can just picture him & me bent over a stack of books. One hand pulling my hair while his hand snakes around so his fingers can cover my mouth to keep me quiet. Him leaning over and licking up my spine, kissing on my shoulder, and lowering those perfect lips to whisper in my ear all the dirty little things you know he loves to say…”

HOLY CROW! I couldn’t believe she said that in a public forum where anyone could read it, including Edward Cullen! Geeze! No wonder he always looked like he had just F**ked hair! He was probably stressing from all the sexual innuendos women were throwing at him and all the images running through his mind!

“FlightlessVamp: Ho-lee mother of lust…….I do not need to have thoughts like that this early in the morning. Now I have to go to work with thoughts of “him licking up my spine,” and try to concentrate today! Dang… and now I need to change my panties before I leave.”

No joke there, Damn! These women and their raunchy comments were putting ideas into my head and I sure as sugar didn’t need any help with my imagination! It was too wild and vivid enough as it was!

“EdwardsCougar: Love the pics and the captions!!!! And hell I wanna lick more than the jaw, that is only the starting point!!!!!”

“SummerChic: Everyone please note the difference in the muscle tone in our boy! Since these pics… Edward now has a bicep, some deltoids, and a much more define forearm… all very essential when you’re propped up against some books signing your name…. or “getting busy” (ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkyoudo)”

Oh, I noticed BB. Believe me I noticed. I noticed everything about Edward Cullen these days and it was ALL Sofa King Hawt!

Edward: I look like a disheveled chicken in that first one. Sunrise in Baton Rouge, you need to see it. Absolutely Glorious.

Poor Sam in Los Angeles!

HOLY SHIT, he came back! Edward! I totally Squeeed out loud! Thank God I lived alone! There’s no way I could have contained myself. Aaawww! He noticed the sunrise? How sweet! Men did not notice stuff like that. If they did, they sure as sugar didn’t talk about it! Aawww! He just melted my heart! God, he was Lovable! Disheveled Chicken?? WHAT? I giggled. Where did he get that from? Disheveled chicken? For reals? *snort* Fat chance. Someone needed to stand Edward Cullen in front of the mirror and convince him just how Sexy he was and then take him to the bedroom and convince him. Oh God, let it be me! I choked on my coffee as that thought ran screaming through my mind. Oh, I had to say something, but what? That was so very sweet and romantic that he noticed the sunrise.  Like I said, men today just didn’t do things like that.

“NeverShy: Another visit…2 days in a row…things slow in BR? Need to kill some time? Lot of ideas here…tell us what you like…..” 

Hee hee, no, Don’t! Let’s just experiment and find out! I thought. Oh, Geeze! My mind was so deep in the Ed gutter it was going to take a back-hoe to dig it out. Oh, if I posted the shizz that was in my head I’d make the worst of them look like nuns! Of course, thinking something and going through with it were two entirely different things.

JET: Good morning Edward, what are your plans for today? It’s a beautiful day in BR

“ForksHere: Yeah!! Eddie is back!!  Hey babe, if you like that disheveled chicken look, I think I can help you achieve that permanently. *winks*”

“KAT: Back again Edward?  MUST be a slow day in BR. A disheveled chicken? Hardly a description I would have used to describe you. Disheveled definitely. But we love you that way. Just makes us think of all the EXCITING ways to make you look like that all the time. Edward + blindfold + creative use of sexpenders + me = EPIC ORGASMIC WIN!”

“ChatterBox: Whoa, hey there loverboy, you cum twice (that’s what she said)! Lovely to see you as always. I’d just like to reiterate the fact that I’m dead serious about that fantasy if you’d like to make it come true. You know, you lick up my spine I like up your…..*wink, wink* I hope you are having a fabulous day and continue to check in with us. I ALWAYS have fun playing with you. *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*. Thanks for the laughs and giggles.”

“CullenCrazy: another visit so soon? we are getting spoiled by the pics (thx JET) and your comments…Thank you for returning Hot Stuff. Keep cumming….Back ok? *giggles*”

“DazzleMeEC: Wow, what a way to start the morning! How am I supposed to concentrate on work now??? Uh-oh I think my co-workers have begun to notice the panting coming (really, no pun intended) from my cube….”

“MyHubbyIsNoEdward: Mmmmmmm! Yes, Eddie was looking especially yummy in Italy. I may or may have licked the screen. Okay, I didn’t, but I really thought about it! Of course the hair, the jaw, the scruff…all dee-lish. But, it’s also that he is so close, so accessible. You could lean right over that table and…..*poof*.”

“EdwardsCougar: I cannot tell a lie….I DID LICK THE SCREEN!”

Oh my God! I’d just thought of what I wanted to write and then I read that. I was back to choking again! Finally, after several minutes, I was able to type my post.

“EdwardsDream-gurl:  Top of the morning to ya Edward Darlin’. I’m so glad your sunrise was lovely. But we all know the sun shines just for you wherever you are. And your presence here has made it a Beautiful day for all the rest of us. Have a Lovely day today Darlin’. When the sun sets gloriously over the horizon, I’ll be thinking of you knowing that maybe, just maybe, you’ll be looking upon that same sunset with me. And when you’re ready for bed… hee hee you know *wink*”

“Rudysmom2008: bow chica bow wow (or your interpretation of cheesy porno music)…Dear Playgirl…now I’ll have to explain to my hubby how the smell of books makes me hot and bothered. And, why I was kicked out of my local store due to, ahem, inappropriate behavior!”

I kept an eye on MEoW all day waiting to see if Edward posted again. It was a very long day.

Chapter 5

Waiting in the Twilight

Chapter 5


I carried my laptop to the dining room table, plugged in my mp3 up to a new playlist of all my favorite songs and cranked it up. I opened my laptop and checked my e-mail first thing, as I always did. One hundred and five e-mails! WTF? I had like seven people in my contacts. I looked down the list. They were all from TLE and MEoW. Good Lord, what was going on?  I opened the original blog letter from MEoW. It was a rather funny blog asking Edward to wear certain clothing when they traveled to Vancouver IF he actually read their blog as it had been rumored that he had.

WHAT? Edward supposedly read their blog? I did NOT know that. I could feel my face grow hot as the blush flooded my cheeks. I was recalling some of the posts I had so boldly posted a few nights ago. I seriously doubted a man as famous as Edward Cullen took the time to read a fan-blog about himself, regardless of how funny it was. But still, just the thought of him reading anything I had said was terribly embarrassing to me.

I opened the next e-mail from MEoW which was the first post of the day. Before I could even begin reading it, I received 62 more e-mails from MEoW and LTE combined. WTF? Surely this wasn’t normal. It was freakin Thursday morning for pity’s sake! LTE didn’t even post a blog on Thursdays, not normally anyway. I decided the fastest and easiest way to get through all these e-mails was to just go to the site and read all the comments as they were posted. This could take a while.

Once the MEoW web site had opened, I reread the blog and drooled for a few minutes over the pictures. I couldn’t help myself, he was just so damn yummy! God! That picture of him in red! Whew! That alone was enough to make a woman weep. I right clicked and saved all of them. Ain’t no shame in the game, I told myself when my goody-two-shoes conscience tried to tell me I was being childish and ridiculous. I scrolled down the page to where the comments began:

“Sexboots! Damn! *THUD* I vote for sexboots!!!! And f**k if he can wear jeans in hot weather, he can break us out those damn boots for a few hours, right?! I say yes! And sexspender pants….don’t even get me started! I saw he was wearing them in Italy whenever it was those pics were taken. Damn! He’ll do it for you JET! I’m sure of it. Sam will make sure of it….won’t you Sam?”

Even I wore jeans in hot weather. But boots? I didn’t think they had a chance of any of this, especially not boots in the summertime.

“MyHubbyIsNoEdward: * Sexboots, for the love of all the things holy and divine, EDWARD wear the Sexboots, baby!!! * The Gravy shirt is surely “creamy.” *falls below the gutter & lands in hell* Shit, I knew I’d end up here eventually. Well, it’s official, I’m a little tooooo eager to see if he follows through. Sam, bb, (Love your music!) if you are reading this, send it his way and tell him,…hee hee hee you just let your imagination run wild Baby, I’ll go there!!!”

OMG, I couldn’t believe these women said this stuff. I mean, I was laughing so hard but still, what if Edward did read this? How embarrassing would that be? Geez! I was embarrassed for having written that I thought he was Sofa King Hawt. If I actually thought he’d read these in the past I, never would have posted even that.

“SusanCullen: JET, Damn, girl. Are you trying to kill us? Sexpenders, Sex Boots, AND the Gravy shirt? Holy shit! I might as well pack my bags (and panties) cause I am going straight to hell with the thoughts that I am thinking.”

“FlightlessVamp: Oh man, the first time I saw Edward in the horse shirt, I almost spontaneously combusted! And the Sexboots….*sigh*….the Sexboots. I lurrrvvveee the Sexboots…. It’s too early to be clever, but never too early for dirty thoughts about Edward.”

“Summerchic: I betcha he is reading this, betcha he wants to comply… just like the last time….but the requested items may not be readily available.  Hope they are though. I will hear the *squeees* here in London. Too Bad our Brit Boy is on the other side of the planet.” 

JET: Here’s something you might not know. The sexpenders come off the pants and he was wearing them around Vancouver last year during the shooting without the sexpenders attached. So the night he popped up wearing the sexpender pants (after I begged shamelessly for them) he had to go out of his way to snap the suspenders on. Very deliberate move.

Holy Crow! I thought. It was starting to sound like Edward had read the blog at one time and wore the clothes JET asked for because she had asked him to. Oh Lord, I was dying now. Was that even possible? I suppose it was when he wasn’t actually shooting. Laptops could go anywhere. Shoot, he could read it from a Blackberry for that matter. Being confined to the set, it would make sense for him to keep an eye on what the fans were thinking. Besides, if they couldn’t go out, what else did they do after shooting for the day and having their dinner? I knew from reading old blogs that many of these women, though they didn’t show or admit their Edsession in RL (Real life), were professional women. This OCD was their dirty little secret. They were Lawyers, interior designers, authors, architects, some were PA’s for other wealthy celebs and some worked on fashion magazines. Many of them had connections to celebrities and other famous people. I knew more than one of them had met Sam Bradley and that one of them worked with an undisclosed law firm who handled Sam Bradley. One of them knew Tom Sturridge but who it was kept it a secret. I personally believed it was JET herself.

It sounds to me like you’re just creating connections because you want it to be true, my conscience snickered at me. There were times when I really didn’t like my other half that much. My goody-two-shoes side was in control most of the time and that was OK but sometimes, when my little bit naughty side took over, there were times when I just wanted to kick goody-two-s ass.

“Forkshere: Will he do it? mebbe! Who knows? The only other thing to do is to ask him to draw attention to the requested shirt/trousers/Docs in some way when he knows he’s being papped……”

JET: Maybe he should tug at the collar of said shirt and show us the man-fur when he’s being pap’d *giggles devilishly*

“Forkshere: that could work nicely. Good thinking batman. Now here’s hoping he’s really paying attention. Or that Sam tells him. We just need a teeny eeny weeny nod in our direction. C’mon Sam, Call your old pal Edward and tell him we need him to help us out here. It’s a one-time shot!”

“Nevershy: …or maybe he could just gently life the front of the shirt and give us some trail action…..”

“Nevershy: ooops….got so excited at the thought of what I was writing that I misspelled it…I meant “lift” the front of the shirt”….sigh….”

JET: LOL spelling never counts here. Afterall our keyboards are covered in drool & they get all slippy. *wink*

I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming from my eyes. These ladies were outrageously hysterical or they were all insane! I didn’t know which. It didn’t matter though, I agreed with them. There was no way Edward would be reading this. He was far too important to waste his time on this even though it was the only thing that had made me laugh out loud in years. Oh my God! I Loved it here.

I kept trying to imagine Edward sitting down with his laptop in some luxurious hotel after a long day of filming, tired, just wanting to relax and surf the net aimlessly and somehow, much like I did, he stumbles onto this site and THIS is what he finds!? Oh good Lord, the look that I imagined would be on his beautiful, perfect face! It was just too funny, waayyy too funny. It was a good thing he was so humble and so good natured.  I was glad his bodyguards, Dean and Emmett, were always close by. If he ever did read this, he was probably going to have a cow!

“EdwardsCougar: Nevershy, I LIKEY the way you think!! Nothing better than a little trail action from hot Ed!! YUM!!!!! ~drool!~”

“Jen: RED! RED! RED! Red, is so his color! He looks amazing in red! Ok, someone explain the Plain Gravy tee….what’s it stand for? Gravy as in “I’m da gravy booyah!” or Gravy as in “want this on your mashed potatoes!?” or is it the name of a band or…drug? Or is it just on there for shiz and giggles? Yes, my friends I really am that stupid and don’t get the point of the tee, other than we want to see it worn again.”

JET: LMAO I miss you Jena. I have no f*cking idea what it means. heehee I just think he looks YUMMY in it.

“JEN: Awwww ((((JET)))) I miss you to! I need to come here more often! 30 lashes for me!”

“JET: I’ll have to send Edward over with the riding crop to punish you! *wink* He’ll be a busy boy. {{{{{{JENA}}}}}}}}”

Oh, Heaven help me! That image was stuck in my mind now! I could not truly imagine Edward as a Dominant! He was far too bashful. Then again, who knew what he was truly like in person… My mind drifted off to an image of Edward, shirtless in tight, torn jeans and Harley Davidson boots with the previously mentioned riding crop in his hand. I suddenly realized I was actually fantasizing about this gorgeous man and that the fantasy itself was…well, Out There! WHOA! Girl! Now who just tripped into the Edgutter! That thought sent me into a fit of giggles that had me gasping for breath and drying my tears at the same time.


Hello, Cullen here.

You girls crack me up. Sam too.

I shall see if I can dig up my red horse shirt for you.

With love love love

Edward and Sam (That twit who stole my song!)

WTF? NFW! I jumped out of my chair, knocking it over, and ran away from my computer as though it had bitten me. That did not just happen! Did it? Cautiously, very cautiously I made my way back to my table and peeked around at my computer.

*WTF did you expect to see, ya Dork? My naughty side snarked at me, Edward Cullen himself crawling out of your computer screen? YOU WISH! Or perhaps the devil come to get you for pervin on The Pretty? Get Real! It’s words on a screen.* I straightened my chair and slowly sat back down; I couldn’t take my eyes off those words to save my life. No, it couldn’t be!

“KAT: Geez – we’re turning into raunchy Alices around here (and ain’t it grand?). But, if that truly IS you Edward, This is all in good fun, but please remember this: red is good, sexpenders are awesome, and tuxes are the best! But you know what? We love ya just the way you are.” 🙂

JET:  Edward, could you relocate to my bedroom please *wink*

“CullenCrazy: Edward? For reals? Oh I’m so excited I may pee my pants!”

“EdwardsCougar: Edward, Love, if that is you in BR what are you doing right now hhhmmm? Shouldn’t you be doing something kind of important? Since you seem to have so much time on your hands, *snickers* and you’re not really busy working, I’m sure I/we can keep you occupied if you care to meet me somewhere. *Giggles* I’m in BR as well. Just bring your sexspenders Baby. *wink*”

Oh no she didn’t! That Hussy! What if it was him? OMG, I would die ten thousand kinds of embarrassed if it was me. I tried to imagine him sitting there reading this. I believed I knew enough about him to know that he would find it completely hilarious. I could practically hear his sexy laugh and it made me giggle too. But I truly wondered what he thought of all these/us women who spent our days talking about him and how wonderful we/I thought he was.

EDWARD: Ladies, my reasoning for being on the other side of the planet as you call it, is for a project I’m working on, I’m terribly excited. I haven’t peed a little bit in my pants just yet but perhaps.

I probably should have mentioned how grateful I am to have fit women everywhere blogging about my (clean!) hair, eyes that occasionally wander to breasts.

It really is me.


Holy Shit! They just mentioned him being on the other side of the planet today and on Monday! Was he really THEE Edward? “Fit”, that was an English slang word for sexy! Only British men used phrases like “terribly excited.” American men didn’t have the class to know that it sounded sexy to women. I guess he answered my question about how he felt about these ladies. I giggled at the thought. He was talking about his (clean!) hair. If you knew anything about Edward you knew that was an on-going joke. I didn’t know for sure that it was Edward but I was willing to concede that it certainly sounded like something he would say.

“DazzlemeEC: hmmmmmm….what is this all about?? This can’t be the real Edward…..

However, if Edward sees this…please wear the shirt AND give us some secret sign so we know you did it for us….how about grabbing the collar and pulling it down so we can see that manfur peeking out better. Hey- and while I’m at it….you made my year when I got to see your fine upper body and those abs **swoon**”

“Chatterbox: any red shirt will do at a push, doesn’t have to be that one. But then we know you are fakerEdward anyway so it makes not a blind bit of difference.”

“JEN: Oh, man. I definitely have to agree with everyone here. I will gladly be the newest member to take my blissful leap into the EDgutter. The thoughts running through my head right now would make most of my friends blush furiously, but oh well.”


One’s location doesn’t change who they are.

I’m baffled as to all your sexual advances, but I’m not complaining.

Sam can post! Why can’t I? 🙂

I will pop my red horse shirt on when I can find it.  I actually think it’s still in Los Angeles. But when I do it’s going on! Until then I’ll do what I can for my fit girls.

I love you guys.


I heard a strange high-pitched noise and it took a few seconds before I realized it was me! I was Squeee-ing like a fan girl! I slapped my hand over my mouth to make it stop but I was so tickled over these posts, I couldn’t stop. I was bouncing up and down in my chair. I just could not contain my excitement. I finally gave up trying and just jumped out of my chair, punched the air as I leapt off the ground and yelled, “Edward freakin Cullen FTMFW!” I was dancing in circles and making a complete fool of myself but I was incapable of containing my joy.

“Unemployment seems to agree with you.”

The unexpected but familiar, deep baritone voice froze me in mid dance step. My hands were high in the air, my hip tossed to the right. I slowly turned my head to see who had entered my home. My face flushed a bright crimson when I saw the massive form of Jacob Black leaning against my kitchen counter, watching me. His car keys were dangling from the fist that was covering his mouth trying not to laugh at me. His other arm lay across his abdomen supporting his elbow, his long legs crossed at the ankles. I slowly met his gaze and his eyes were twinkling from amusement. Jake’s long, black hair framed his mahogany skin, high cheek bones and warm brown eyes. He really was a handsome man. Too bad he was like a brother to me.

“Jake!” I suddenly realized I hadn’t moved and felt all the more embarrassed. I made a dash for my computer and slammed it shut. Oh no, that wasn’t conspicuous at all, my goody-two-shoes side snarked at me. I mentally stuck my tongue out at her and looked up at Jake. My face flushed even brighter.

“Come here, Loca, and give me a hug,” Jake laughed. I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face. He was my oldest and dearest friend. I dove across the dining room into his arms. Jake picked me up without effort and swung me around. He sat me down and backed away without letting go of my shoulders and looked at me.

“I knocked, but you apparently couldn’t hear me. It sounded like you were throwing a Super Bowl party in here. I heard you yell something incoherent and got worried, so I let myself in. Just exactly what were you doing?” he grinned at me.

“Oh, I thought I’d apply for a position as a NFL cheerleader?” I grinned.

“That’s a half-time show I have to see! I must admit I did enjoy the show I saw.” Jake said, stepping closer to me.

“Jake…” I said, stepping out of his grasp. I looked down at the floor and Jake resumed his stance of leaning against my countertop.

“I’m surprised you didn’t fall down or otherwise hurt yourself.” He snickered. That was Jake, he’d make an uncomfortable moment by reminding me he wanted more than my friendship, then make me laugh and go right back to being my best friend again.

“I’m only clumsy around big, overgrown men who take up too much room in my kitchen.” I said trying to squeeze past him to the refrigerator. Of course I tripped over his massive feet. For such a large muscular man, he was incredibly lithe and quick. Moving only his arm, he managed to prevent my fall as though it were a practiced move. I would have surely fallen to the floor and possibly hit my head on the counter if he hadn’t reached out his left arm and grabbed me by the waist. He pulled me backwards against his chest with no effort at all and held me there. There was no use trying to struggle to get away from him, his biceps were the size of tree trunks and I weighed all of 105 pounds.

“Why do I make you so nervous Bella?” he whispered against my hair. I could feel the warmth and strength emanating from him. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to his physical form but Jake had kissed me once, years ago before the testosterone and muscles kicked in. That kiss had shut the door on any later attraction for me. The kiss had felt like, well, nothing. It was about as exciting as shaking hands with a stranger.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe it’s because you’re as attracted to me as I am to you?” He whispered. I could feel his fingers starting to brush across my hip and his breathy whisper was clouding my head.


Today had gone pretty much like yesterday, every hour or so they were putting us on hold. Every break we had I ran back to my trailer to write another post, see what had been said and, yes, I admitted to myself, to look for her. She wasn’t there and my frustration and disappointment grew every time. It went that way clear up until 1:00 p.m. After that, the problems on the set had been resolved and we worked the rest of the day. We worked extra hours trying to make up for some of the time we missed yesterday. The scenes were physically and emotionally demanding and draining. Then there were meetings afterwards about the relocation, flight plans, watching the dailies, on and on and on. I didn’t think I’d ever get out of there.

It was very late by the time I got back to my trailer and I was completely exhausted. Still, even though I was at 44 hours with no sleep at all, I could not keep myself from searching for her. I checked her site first, nothing new on the first page or on the poetry page. Nothing new on the Edward’s Music page either. I was careful not to allow myself to read her note, not when I was this tired and not after what I knew her words were capable of doing to me.

I noticed there was a new tab on the index bar that read “Members.” I clicked on it, at the moment the only members were two of my girls from LTE and her. I clicked on the name EdwardsDream-gurl with an inward groan. That name was really getting to me. The page opened to reveal a larger version of her avatar. I sat there and stared at it for the longest time. I noticed that the avatar had a necklace and a ring that every once in a while would sparkle/twinkle and then, shortly thereafter, “she” would blink. I knew it was just an animation, I knew it was also lack of sleep that was causing the irrational thought but, at that moment, she seemed more real to me. There was nothing else on the page and still I sat there looking at the avatar, wondering about her. She had slipped into my mind a hundred times today. When I actually had scenes to do, I had to force her from my mind in order to perform. I laid my head on the table and just sat there watching her sparkle and blink. Now I was the one wondering what she was doing.

I was walking through a low lying mist, it was late at night but the moon was full and cast a bright glow. Movement up ahead caught my eye and I rushed forward to catch up to it. I heard a soft giggle and a smile spread across my face. Again, I caught just a glimpse of something dart behind a tree, just a flash of soft white skin and shiny black silk. This continued for a while, she’d dash ahead of me, just a glimpse or a blur. I’d hear her soft, hauntingly beautiful giggle or sigh luring me in and I’d chase after her smiling, thrilling at the hope that I’d catch up to her.  Eventually, I grew closer and closer to her, closing the distance, yet never seeing her face. She darted once more to an open field with a single broken tree split down the middle into a perfect V shape. I saw her at the last moment dart behind one half of the tree and I knew there was nowhere else for her to run. I approached the tree and heard her soft giggle. I was smiling, anticipating seeing her face. As I peeked around the almost black bark of the withered tree, I saw her hand clutching the bark, the soft alabaster skin of her arm and shoulder. I saw her long slender leg and thigh where the black silk negligee was split up the side and fell open. I could tell by the way she was standing she was peeking around the opposite side of the tree. I silently snuck around that side of the tree only to find she was no longer there. I heard her soft giggle as it drifted off into a contented sigh. It was a lovely sound that warmed me from the inside.

“Edward,” she called. The sound of my name in that glorious voice thrilled through me. I turned toward the sound of it. I saw her delicate white hand held out to me between the split branches of the old broken tree and as joy raced through my heart I reached out to touch her hand.

I woke with a start, filled with disappointment. I had fallen asleep with my head on the table. I didn’t know what had startled me awake. My arm was killing me from having lain on it. I started to close my laptop and go to bed but, just before I shut it, I saw that words had appeared below her picture.

“I’m just me, nothing special. A dedicated stay at home Edward fan. I love movies, books, art and poetry. I’ve always wanted to be a writer of a great novel series. I just don’t think anything I could say would matter much to anyone. While I have written several novels I have never been published. I’ve never had the confidence to allow anyone to read anything I have ever written. Maybe someday I’ll overcome those fears. Anyway I hope you enjoy my little tribute to the amazing Edward Cullen.”

I was stunned, Nothing Special? She didn’t think her words could ever matter to anyone? That disturbed me more than I cared to admit. I was just so tired I couldn’t think anymore or stay awake any longer. I closed my laptop and retreated to my bedroom, shaking my head in disbelief as I went.

I slept late but it was still quite early by most people’s standards. The training I had to do wasn’t going to happen till later this afternoon. I woke feeling rested despite having woken up three times in the night from having the same dream. I guess she truly was my dream girl now. I could never quite figure out what had caused me to wake up startled. Other than the tree itself being broken and looking withered, everything else in the dream was from a picturesque summer night. It was nighttime but the dream wasn’t “dark”.

I decided to pack most of my things up today for the relocation tomorrow. I wanted to see if I had my horse shirt and the other items JET had requested. It didn’t take me long to pack up. I laid my mustard yellow duffle on the sofa along with my guitar case and a few other things. After I showered and had breakfast, I did what I had simultaneously been looking forward too and trying to avoid, I logged onto my computer.

I went back to where I had left off yesterday. There were more than a hundred posts after my last post, a lot of them debating whether it was really me or not. The rest were very blunt sexual propositions. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I was nearing the bottom of the page and still there was nothing from her. Then, just before the end, I saw her avatar and my heart started to race.

“EdwardsDream-gurl: I don’t know if that was actually him or not. From what I know about him it sounded like him. “Fit” is a British slang for sexy. It seems to me if it was someone pretending to be him just to get us riled up then they would have continued to post throughout the day. I mean what would be the point of pretending to be Edward and get people talking about it and then not hang around and keep it going. Only time will tell. See if we get the tug on the red shirt.

Dear Edward, If that was truly you, please return when you can, it was a joy to have you here. And if it’s not too inconvenient please wear the red shirt at least and give the collar a tug so we know it was you. We will be forever grateful.

Forever your gurl,


Well, not only was she seductive and sexy, poetic, intelligent, with a beautiful heart and soul, she was polite and had manners too. She may be right. She just might be my dream girl. Too bad I didn’t know who the hell she was! I thought with considerable irritation. All these women with their vulgarity, bluntness and constant sexual advances were incredibly entertaining and flat-out shocking at times. I often enjoyed reading their posts because of the humor I found in it and I adored them for it. I assumed that since she was on this site as well, she also found me attractive (why, I had no clue), she did say she thought I was Sofa King Hawt, after all. The funny thing was that I was attracted to her mild way of saying naughty things. I was attracted to all the things she meant to say but didn’t say and the way she managed to pull that off. I was attracted to her gentle nature and her apparent shyness.

I checked back with LTE but there was nothing new there. They never posted a blog on Thursdays. My heart sank. It was ten in the morning my time, 11 her time and no word from her. She should be up by now, I thought, and wondered for the millionth time what she was doing. Then I remembered she said she couldn’t sleep, didn’t sleep much at all. I hated thinking of her not being able to sleep and, if I was somehow responsible for that, I felt terrible about it. Maybe she was still asleep. I hoped that she was. That made me feel better, thinking she was at least getting some rest.

DUH! You Big Idiot of a guy! I berated myself for not thinking of it sooner! In my excitement, my fingers fly over the keys, hand typing in the web address I didn’t realize I had memorized, and temporarily forgot due to my excitement, I had saved in my favorites. If she couldn’t sleep at night, and wasn’t around in the mornings, there was a chance that she spent her nights working on her web site. I had checked her page at midnight last night and nothing was there. But when I went to bed by 1 in the morning, there had been a post from her. Maybe there would be more there today.

There was yet another new item on her index bar that read “Videos.” I was thrilled to see it and a little wary at the same time. Then I saw something that thrilled me, an RSS link. I would have to search through all of her pages today, but not after today. I could subscribe to her website anonymously and be sent an e-mail through her web hosting provider anytime she updated. I did this quickly and then jumped to the videos. At the moment, she only had two videos posted but she promised there would be more later on. One was of me playing the piano in the Twilight movie but what surprised me was that it wasn’t the song they had over-dubbed on top, it was the actual tune I had been playing that day. A combination of one of my original compositions and then me just fiddling around, making it up as I went along. The other video was of me singing “Let Me Sign.” She stated flat out that she did not create any of the videos and gave the original creator the credit for them. Damn, she was honest too.

I scanned back through the rest of her pages and had just about decided she hadn’t added anything else when I found this beneath the Questions poem:

     Midnight Rendezvous


I walk alone in the light breeze,

The mist swirls about my feet.

Although it’s the darkest hour of night,

The moon above shines bright.

I smile when I sense you’re here,

A thrill goes through me to know you’re near.

I giggle as I dash away,

My Divine one has come to play.

A Midnight Rendezvous

A game we share, me and you,


“Holy shit!” I said. Once again, I was out of my chair, pacing the floor, running my hands through my hair in confusion. She wrote a poem about the dream I had last night? WTF? How was that even possible? No! Nope, no, no. It couldn’t be. It was just a coincidence. It just sounded that way in the beginning. The story would change as it continued. I returned to my chair, unable to walk away.

You always smile and chase after me,

And I duck behind another tree.

We meet in the dark of night,

No one knows and everything’s all right.

Oh! You’re so close, but no not here,

For some reason it must be over there,

I dart across the open field,

But in the moonlight, I am revealed.

A Midnight Rendezvous

A game we share, me and you,


Though I was shocked, in disbelief, and maybe even a little freaked out, I could not tear myself away from her words. I was enthralled and frozen to the spot.  The broken tree, if she wrote of a broken, split tree I’ll just…

Over there, your half and mine,

Two worlds split, mundane and Divine,

I peek around the broken tree,

Knowing you still cannot see me,

I hear your foot-steps creeping close

This is the moment I love the most,

You reach for me but I’ve crept away,

I giggle, then I sigh your name.

Midnight Rendezvous

A game we play, me and you,

“HO-LY SHIT!” I said. How can she possibly know this? Was she dreaming the same thing? Was that even possible?

You turn and I see the glory of your face,

I long to touch you and embrace,

The Divine one who Haunts my dreams,

Who is so much more than he seems.

I stretch out my hand between the broken tree,

And smiling you reach back for me.

Midnight Rendezvous,

A game we play me and you. 

That’s it? That’s all of it? How did her dream end? Was she startled awake too? What happened? Did we ever touch? I snatched my cell from my pocket and dialed Jasper’s private number knowing no one else would over hear me from this line. He picked up on the first ring, as always.

“What can I do for you, brother?”

“Are you alone?” I asked anxiously.


“I need to see you. Now. Don’t make a big deal of it. Come alone.” I said.

Chapter 4


Chapter 4


I did go back to LTE to see if anything new had happened but there were no new posts. I messed around the internet for a long time, watching old interviews Edward had done on YouTube. I watched several fan-made videos and then posted them on the web site I had just built for him. I couldn’t believe I had done something like that. It was so out of character for me. All of this was, but I couldn’t stop. Nothing else interested me now.

I went to MEoW and read several old posts.  I caught myself giggling more times than I cared to admit. These women were so blunt but the bad part was, I couldn’t disagree with them. It just wasn’t in me to talk that way. I could never be that bold and brazen, my crippling shyness prevented it. But I giggled and snickered over all of it just the same.

I had my mp3 player on the entire time listening to Edward’s songs. It was rarely off these days. I was as addicted to his voice, in any form, singing, talking, sighing and giggling, as I was to his face and his personality and OK, yeah, his body too. Good Lord, the man had it all. There was always something new and different to discover about him. Every day I grew more Edsessed and though I was completely aware of it, it didn’t matter. There was no one else like him and I knew there never would be.

When I realized how late it was getting, I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. Edward wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I heard his Edorkable man-giggle, I heard his sighs, I heard his music, now ingrained in my memory, and as I closed my eyes, I saw his handsome face. I tried to think about his movies and kept coming back to the things he said in his interviews. It made me wonder what his life was like on a daily basis. What had it been like before the fame struck? Was he happy now? Before long, I gave up on trying to sleep. It was useless now, I had too many questions. I grabbed my laptop, crawled back into bed and started typing. Two hours later, I had written a poem and had it published to my website. It was so strange. I hadn’t been inspired to write poetry in years and here I was finishing my second one to Edward. A man I never met was inspiring me to do things that I had been unable to do for years. I smiled as I looked at his face one last time before I closed my laptop. I knew I could sleep now.

I dreamed of Edward again, waking up with a huge smile on my face. Maybe that’s why, even though I didn’t sleep much, I was so happy. In my dreams, he was with me. Whenever I slept, he was always there waiting. I forced myself not to reach for my laptop until after I had showered and had my breakfast. It was harder than I thought not to reach for my laptop, in essence not to reach for him.


After Jasper and Alice left, I was still humiliated that I didn’t realize what Sofa King was. At the same time, it was hilarious. “Sofa King”, I snorted. These women were so clever.

I punched my pillow for the fifth time trying to get comfortable. It was no use. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get comfortable, it was that I couldn’t get certain images out of my head. When Jasper and Alice had gone, I went back to the link she had provided and started to explore that site. The home page said the site was, “lovingly dedicated to the talented and inhumanly beautiful Edward Cullen.” I didn’t know whether to roll my eyes or be flattered at that. I knew it was meant as a compliment, so I took it that way, but I didn’t think I’d ever get used to being called Beautiful.

The rest of the home page was about my schedule for the year. It was written in letter format. It mentioned the Water for Elephants movie that was about to be released, as well as the Breaking Dawn films we were working on and the photo shoots I would surely be doing in the not so distant future. At the bottom of the page it was signed, Sincerely, EdwardsDream-gurl. Was this “her” web site? Had she created this because of me? It certainly appeared that way. I knew there were hundreds of websites out there about me and about Twilight. For some inexplicable reason though, I was surprised that she had done this. That she had gone to all the trouble to create a site on my behalf.

There was a picture underneath the signature that matched “her” avatar. I looked at it closely, it wasn’t a photograph but I’d seen advertisements on the web that said they could take a photograph of you and make a cartoon of it. If this was a cartoon made from a photograph, then this had to be a beautiful woman in reality. She was facing toward the camera, looking down with her forehead resting against her palm, obscuring the left side of her face. She had high cheek bones, full lips and beautiful brown eyes. She was wearing a burnt-orange, off the shoulder blouse that deepened in color to brown as it traveled up the sleeve. She had long, thick dark auburn hair. Thin wisps of her wavy, dark hair fell across her forehead here and there and it was parted on the side. Her bangs drifted down over the left side of her face helping to obscure it as well giving her a look that was a combination of sexiness and shyness, seduction and embarrassment. Boy, I thought, those words were polar opposites but they were fitting, both for the picture and what I “knew” (if you could call it that) of her so far. I had no way of knowing if this was an actual depiction of what this woman looked like but my mind produced a “real  life” version of what I imagined she looked like based on this picture and that was how I now saw her. Sexy, shy, elegant, demure, sofa king hot and Beautiful inside and out.

I clicked onto the next page and by the time I was done reading it, I knew I would never be the same again. That was when this mysterious, intriguing woman took over my life.

The page was entitled, “Edward’s Music”. I almost clicked off the page without scrolling through it but at the last moment, I thought there might be a picture of her on it somewhere so I scrolled through it quickly. I didn’t know how she had done it but there were 6 short gray bars on the page. Each one of them had a play button on it. I clicked on the first one just to see if it was what I thought it was. I was correct in assuming it was a recording of each of my songs. Beneath each bar was a picture of me along with the title of the song and the lyrics. At the bottom of the page I found a letter. It wasn’t directly addressed to me, but it was for me.

Your voice has changed me, forever.  I close my eyes and I see you there, the guitar in your arms. As I listen I can see your hands, so strong and warm, your long, elegant fingers, strumming away at the strings, expertly manipulating the notes from your guitar. Then, oh then you begin to hum and my whole world stops. I hear your voice, deep, powerful, strong, passionate, full of desire and emotions. It lifts me from my world and carries me away to places that are beyond my grasp any other way. Your voice washes over me, fills me with desire and passion like nothing I have ever known. I can neither explain nor express what moves through my heart and soul. My mind is filled with visions of your smile, your hands caressing my skin, your lips upon mine, images race through my mind like a wildfire fueled by the passion in your voice. They pour through me like liquid gold. For the first time in my life I feel alive, vibrant. And now you’ve hit the high note in the song and I can feel my soul pirouette with joy at the sound of it…

I sat up in bed and raked my hand through my hair. I tossed my pillow angrily against the headboard and leaned back against the bed. Damn it! I reached for my cigarettes in the dark and lit one, exhaling in aggravation. I had the damn words memorized now. Both the words and images she painted with them were etched there on the canvas of my mind, forever haunting me. She was amazing. Her words were so eloquent, graceful, beautiful, mysterious, intoxicating, seductive and yet all she had done was describe the feeling a song had made her feel. MY SONG, MY VOICE, me, Edward Cullen. I had influenced this…? I couldn’t find the words to describe what I was reading. I only knew that her words were now touching me, changing me, moving me.

I hear you chuckle for just a moment in the song and it’s like an unexpected intimate caress that shocks and thrills. Your rhythm and harmony has never stopped, but continued to build. Then your voice is pouring over me again with warm tones caressing my soul like the warmth of your hand traveling the length of my spine. I tremble with anticipation for I know what is coming next…

I closed my eyes, this was what had sealed my fate. I knew that as long as I lived I would never forget these words or the images they invoked.

The beauty and power of your voice fills me, strength, power, pure desire and heat thrills through me as we drift to the end of the song. I hear your soft chuckle and the softly spoken words, “Ohh, man,” I picture you pulling me close to your side to rest my head upon your chest, I see the smile on your face and I know your voice has just made love to my soul.

Yes, Edward, I “look at you with eyes that see.”  I hear you with my heart, and my soul is reaching out to you.


“Damn, that was fit,” I said it out loud then and I thought it now as I remembered her words. Not only was it fit, it blew me away. It left me breathless every time I read it, as well as aroused. There was so much said, so artfully described, a picture painted so clearly with words it was like a photograph. I know your voice has just made love to my soul’, “Wow,” I said. From a musician’s stand point, how beautiful was that statement. In my eyes it was the best compliment I could ever receive.

I wasn’t getting any sleep any time soon so I decided to grab my laptop and a Coke and see if I could learn anymore about her. I checked through MEoW and LTE, still nothing new from any of my girls. I found the link she had posted earlier and followed it back to her site. This time I remembered to save it to my favorites so that I wouldn’t have to hunt for it anymore. I clicked on another page that lead to her poetry. Although there had been nothing but the one poem earlier, I checked it any way and found that there was a new poem now. I noticed that it was posted at 4:20 a.m. That was only 3:20 my time, making her an hour ahead of me. She was up late again, writing about me. I was flattered but I wondered if she was sleeping at all? I wondered if she was still on this site. I wondered if I was just a click away from talking to her. I searched quickly to see if there was a way to tell if she was online. I felt my heart racing with the thought of it. It was absolutely ridiculous how excited I was at the prospect that she may be here in the same “room” with me. I could find no way to tell if she was on line or not. The disappointment that filled me at this realization was disgusting. WTF was wrong with me? While I had been searching for her, I saw that the site was only created two days before. Maybe that meant she’d be adding more information as time went on. Maybe if I could learn more about her, I could get over this fascination I was developing for her. I decided to go back to where I had started and read the poem she had just posted moments ago. After having read the poem once, I copied and pasted it to my note pad and then typed in an answer to each of her questions. I don’t know why I did it, I just wanted to see my answers next to her questions.



 It’s very late and I wonder where you are now,

 It’s long past work hours and partying time.

 Are you just getting back from where you’ve been? No, I’ve been here all night.

 Are you resting peacefully in your bed?  No, I can’t stop thinking about you.

Are you just waking up and reaching for coffee? Not yet but maybe soon.

 Are you in the shower getting ready for the day? Not yet but I’m running out of time.

 Are you stepping out the door heading for work? No but I will be soon.

 Are your steps joyful? More like preoccupied.

Are you anxious to get there? Only so that I can get back here to you.

What’s on your mind? Are you dreading the day? You are. Not if it goes quickly.

 Are you anticipating the end of this project? Yes, I have other things I’d like to do.

 Are you in a hurry to start the next project?  Not particularly. I’d like some time to be me.

 Are you dreading it? No. I’m looking forward to it, in time.

 Is there a someone special on your mind? There is now.

 Do you miss your home? Your family? At times, yes, very much.

Are you glad all this has happened to you?  In the long run, yes.

 Do you wish it hadn’t? No, I don’t wish that.

Do you miss your old life? Just the freedom of it.

 Would you rather be working on your music? Sometimes. I do miss it.

Do you still feel in a rush to get things done? Yes, I don’t like to waste time.

 Does it all still seem like a dream? Very much so. So do you.

 Are you still waiting to wake up from this dream?  Sometimes. It all seems surreal. So do you.

 I see that far off look in your eyes at times,

 Where do you go when that happens? Right now, to you. Wherever you are.

 Is it a memory that haunts you? Or a regret? No, just some well-chosen words.

Or is it a dream you have yet to achieve? Yes, you are becoming just that.

Is it someone you’re longing for? You are now.

 Strange that I should feel closest to you when you get that look, It shouldn’t be, you’re becoming the reason for it.

 Simply because I get that look too,                                                          

 For that’s when you are crossing my mind, Like you are crossing mine right now.

 And I’m watching you walk by,  I see more than that thanks to your words.

 Forever distant and out of reach, No, not forever, Just awhile.

 Yet always right here with me in my heart, making me smile, Yes, you make me smile too.

 In my mind, making me curious, I know the feeling,

 In my soul, moving me to laughter, to tears, to longing… Yes, I’m familiar with the longing part too.

 Where are you now? What’s on your mind? In my trailer. I’m thinking of you.

I stared at her poem with my answers on it for the longest time. As if staring at it would give me answers about her. I wondered what she would do if she knew what my answers were. Curiosity about me kept her up at night? Remarkable. I’m really not that interesting. I couldn’t understand the so called obsession so many women claimed to have. I truly believed that most of them were infatuated with the romantic possibilities behind the vampire character. They just had me so linked to the character that they couldn’t separate me from him. But this, everything I had read from her so far was about me. Other than the first page of her web site, which is almost always an information page anyway, there was no reference to anything I had done professionally. Which meant she hadn’t become “Edsessed”, as they called it, through the Twilight movies.  Seems like curiosity was keeping us both awake tonight I thought as I minimized the notepad window.

There was a knock at the door and I knew it was Jasper. I had spent so much time pondering over her that I had lost track of time. I was due in hair and make-up on the set and I wasn’t even dressed yet.

“Come in Jazz’” I said. “I’ll be ready in a minute,” I told him when he gave me a WTF look.

“Is everything okay with you Edward?” he asked.

“Yes, fine.” When I returned from getting dressed I realized I’d left my laptop open. I was more than a little miffed to see jasper sitting at the table reading her webpage. Jasper looked up as I entered the room, suddenly looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“She’s different,” Jasper said, peering up at me from the chair.

“Yes, she is,” I stated, making a point of closing my laptop without ever taking my eyes off Jasper. He got the point. Thankfully, he didn’t mention her again. However, it wasn’t lost on me that I wasn’t the only one to pick up on the fact that she wasn’t like the others. Later, when I had more information, I would ask Jasper what had made him say that but for now, I didn’t like the fact that he knew about her. I shook off the voice in my head that told me I was being jealous. I just needed sleep. I was now working on twenty-eight hours with no sleep.

By 8 a.m. the shoot was on hold yet again. Gratefully, I wouldn’t be needed in tomorrow’s shoot, so far, and maybe in that time they could get the problems on the set worked out. I did have a couple of hours of training to do which I would be glad for. Maybe the physical exertion would work out some of this pent up energy and anxiety. Until then, it looked like it was going to be another hurry-up and wait day. I was anxious to see the days’ postings on MEoW. It was Wednesday and they always had a funny post on Wednesday. Once I had a cup of coffee and a smoke in my hands, I opened my laptop. It was still on her page and before I was too tempted and side tracked, I exited out of it. Besides, I was hoping she had gone to bed and was still sleeping.

I typed MEoW into my search engine and waited. The topic that popped up had me chuckling and nearly choking on my coffee.

OFFICIAL MEoW Wardrobe Request for Edward Cullen

So a few of you may remember how a few months back I wrote about how much I missed the sexpender pants because Edward hadn’t worn them in public since late 2009. So of course, I begged him to wear them the next time he was out where the paps would spot him and then this happened.

What followed was a picture of me wearing my Stoli shirt and black pants with attached suspenders dangling. The girls had dubbed them sexpenders. I had seen the blog where they were talking about how I hadn’t wore them in such a long time and how they had missed them. So, just for the hell of it, I had worn them the following Saturday. Of course, the paps saw me and followed me everywhere and by morning the pictures had reached MEoW. It was just my way of saying hello. In the end, they wondered if it wasn’t just a coincidence and wanted to test the theory but since Jet, MEoW’s creator, hadn’t officially requested another “clothing acknowledgement”, I hadn’t worn any of the other bloggers’ suggestions. Sticking with Jet’s requests was the only way I knew for sure to let them know I did read their blogs whenever I could.

Right away, I had comments to put out another request and I had lots and lots of suggestions. I really wanted to make the next request be something I genuinely think Edward looks f*cking hot in as well as something really obscure that we haven’t seen for a while. In other words I wanted to be really scientific and distinct, no coincidences. So I haven’t mentioned these requests in my regular forum haunts or on twitter. As well, given the size of EDWARDS’s teeny tiny mustard colored duffle bag, I thought I should make 2 requests in case he’s not travelling with all 6 of the shirts he owns. LOL

They did love to pick on me about my clothing. I didn’t see the point of bringing 100 changes of clothing when I spent most of my time in costume anyway. I wore what I was comfortable in.

But Alas, he began shooting Breaking Dawn and thanks to a certain Director who shall remain nameless *coughbillcondoncough* the set was locked down, and “The Pretty” has disappeared from our very hungry eyes.

The song “Hungry eyes” from Dirty Dancing began to play at this point and I couldn’t help but laugh.

And Now it was confirmed by Scummit Entertainment that the cast and Crew of the Breaking Dawn set would be packing up this weekend and relocating to Vancouver. Which means Ladies, if we know it, then the paps know it…

At this point I ripped my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Jasper’s number. He answered on the first ring.

“What can I do for you, brother?” he asked.

“What the Fuck Jasper, is it true we’re relocating to Vancouver this weekend?”

“Edward, what’s wrong with you? Bill told everyone yesterday we were leaving this weekend. You were right there. It’s one of the main reasons you are not needed in the shoot tomorrow.” Jasper said. I could hear the concern in his voice. I could just see him, holding his phone out in front of him looking at it confused and then looking at Alice and shrugging. I didn’t have to be there to know that Alice would be at his side.

“I don’t remember that.” I told him. I heard a shuffling noise and then Alice’s voice was on the line.

“Remember yesterday when you zoned out Edward? It was then. I don’t know what’s been on your mind lately but, if you need to talk to someone about it, we’re here for you.

“I’m fine, Alice. I know you are and I thank you. I’ve just been a little distracted lately.” I said and hung up. I raked my hand through my hair in exasperation, realizing too late that I had just messed up Rose’s work and that I’d have to hear about it later.

I turned back to my computer. Let’s see what else I didn’t know about my own life, I thought sarcastically. It was my own fault, I knew that.

…and if the paps know it then we will get to see our Edward!

So, since there is a small chance we will get to see HHH and an even smaller chance that he actually reads our little blog, I thought I’d put it to the test to find out once and for all if the pretty is aware of us.

HHH, that still killed me. It stood for “His Holy Hotness”. These girls certainly needed to get some glasses.

So, here we go…what shall it be…

Request #1

Edward, I can’t tell you how much your “CullenSluts” and female fans love to see you in color. Several months ago you caused us to have hours of multiple EdGasms when you blessed us by hauling the blue Bali shirt out of the mothballs. DAMN you look f*cking fine in blue…any blue. But you also look Ravishing in red. So, my first request is for the color red, specifically I’d love to see you in your “not your average horse show” red shirt & the sexpender pants.  Holy hell, Edward Cullen and horse in the same sentence…my mind goes straight to the EDGUTTER. YUMM.  The ladies in the Boom Boom Room were also hoping you’d drag out the unlaced sexboots (docs) but I’m thinking it might be a little too hot. Plus if you wore the red horse shirt, the sexpender pants AND the sexboots there would no doubt be a body count over at the BBR, we’d all be DIED.

I was LMAO now. ‘CullenSluts’, ‘Edgasms’, ‘Edgutter’, what a riot! Unlike at TLE, these women here at MEoW had no qualms about their choice of words (Jasper had told me that TLE may have a filter on it that prevented them from using foul language since many of the women here went to TLE as well). I had no idea what the ‘Boom Boom Room’ was but from the sound of it, it was probably pretty raunchy. Beneath was a picture of me from three years ago wearing the exact outfit Jet had just described. Beneath that was the following caption, along with request #2.


Edward + red Shirt referencing a horse = JET’s mind blissfully in the gutter


Request #2

This one is a little out there, but MissB will appreciate it…Edward please break out the Plain Gravy black tee & the sexpender pants. Yep, that’s what I said. Why this shirt? Well, first you look abso-f*cking Edorkable in it and a little drunk & dirty too. The thought of you and gravy… ugh DAMMIT I’m back in the f*cking gutter again. *looks around, l don’t seem to be alone here heehee*

I made the mistake of taking a drink of my coffee at this point and wound up having it come out my nose when I tried to laugh at her comment.

Oh Yea Edward, if you can team up the *gulp* gravy shirt with the sexpender pants and the “unlaces” sex boots, oh GOD…everything is going black……

Again what followed was a picture of me from a few years ago wearing the requested outfit and the following caption beneath it.


Okay peeps so officially, I am only asking for either of those shirts to be worn with the sexpender pants, the sex boots are optional & I will be fine with the shiteous Nikes.

“Shiteous Nikes”, I snorted. What was wrong with my Nikes? I liked them.

Alright, let’s see if Edward really does troll the internet & visit MEoW…oh yea and Sam if you read this, make sure you email your umm friend the link heehee.

My phone was ringing and I wasn’t a bit surprised to see it was my friend Sam Bradley.

“Edward! How are you?”

“I’m fine and yourself?”

“I’m well, thank you. So, I hear you’re off to Vancouver?”

“Apparently,” I said, sounding a bit snarky even to my own ears. “I just found out a few minutes ago.”

“Ah, the fans are one step ahead of you as usual I take it.” Sam replied with a laugh. “Have you been to MEoW yet today?”

“Yes, I’m there now. How do you think I knew what I’m going to be doing this weekend?” I laughed. Sam’s loud guffaws rang in my ears. It really was quite funny. I often learned or checked my schedule through the internet sites. They always seemed to know more than I did about it and they knew it days before I did. It was baffling really how they got their information but it was nearly always accurate.

“You know, they talk about what you wear all the time. You should give them a thrill and post them a message. I’ve done it.”

“When did you do that? And why?”

“I posted at LTE. They did a blog on how You copied my song.” Sam was teasing me now. It was an old argument but one we never got tired of. “I met Jet at a show I did. She’s a nice lady. I told her we watch her blog. Then, when you wore those suspenders to prove it, it made their day.”

“I believe it was you who stole my song. I’ll see if I have any of their wardrobe requests with me but I don’t think I’ll post. I adore these women and their blogs but…”

“C’mon Edward, you’ve been worried that the lock down is going to have an adverse effect on your films. These women at MEoW and LTE are definitely your most loyal fans. They will be the ones to help keep your career alive if all this secrecy backfires on Bill Condon. Just let them know you are aware of them and that you care about them too. I know you do. What harm could it do?”

“Maybe you’re right.” I said and started typing before I could talk myself out of it.


Hello, Cullen here.

You girls crack me up. Sam too.

I shall see if I can dig up my red horse shirt for you.

With love love love

Edward and Sam (That twit who stole my song!)

“I see that. Twit huh?” Sam said with a laugh.

“Good-bye, Sam. And thanks.” I laughed.

“You’re welcome, friend.”

Emmett opened my trailer door.  “Edward, they’re waiting for you.” He said, his massive frame shrinking my trailer instantly.

“Well, shit!”

Chapter 3

Waiting in the Twilight

Chapter 3


I didn’t know what had come over me lately. I hadn’t done a single thing but hunt for anything and everything I could find on Edward Cullen. Since the day I burnt the lasagna, nearly 3 weeks ago, I couldn’t think about anything else but Edward.

I had read the Twilight books, devoured them actually, more than 2 years ago. I had seen all the movies and had not been captivated by the vampire character so I didn’t know where this was coming from. I vaguely remembered that Edward sang a song at the end of the first movie so I went online and searched for more information. I found a download of all of his songs. I was surprised to learn that he never made a CD. Except for the version of his songs in the movie, all the rest were recorded from open microphone sessions in nightclubs.

I considered myself a bit of a music enthusiast. From grade school through college all my teachers and friends had encouraged me to take up singing professionally. I had been told many times that I had a gift for singing and could quite easily top the charts. That was all well and good if you weren’t the painfully shy type that was struck with crippling stage fright the moment you were left on the stage alone. Put me in a room full of my classmates to sing and I’d blow the doors off the place. Put me on the stage and I was paralyzed. Even today, I could hear a song one time and tell you whether it would do well or not. If a person had talent I always got a tingle up my arms or up the back of my neck. I was always right.

I hooked up my mp3 player to speakers and went to the kitchen to start doing dishes. I didn’t have it quite loud enough to be heard in the kitchen, so I went and turned it up. The man had the longest introductions I had ever heard on any recording. Half way through my living room he began to sing and I haven’t been the same since. His voice had literally stopped me in my tracks. I remember just standing there listening to that soft voice of his singing “Never Think” and feeling weak in the knees. I grabbed onto the back of the sofa so that I could remain standing, with trembling hands and knees I carefully made my way around to the arm of the sofa and sat down. This was far beyond a tingle at the back of my neck.

“WOW’ I whispered. His voice, it was like liquid silk. It poured over me, heart, mind, body and soul like warm honey. It wrapped around me and touched me like nothing ever had. I literally felt my heart tremble in my chest. Before I even had a moment to recover, “Let Me Sign” began to play.

I sat there in awe of Edward’s amazing talent. I was stunned by this man.  The lyrics were haunting and beautiful. The way he sang them stirred something deep inside me, called to me in a powerful way that I could not find the words, even now, to express. The longer I listened, the stranger I felt. It was an unfamiliar feeling and yet wonderful at the same time. My ability to breathe was strained.

The song changed yet again and I was about to discover that Edward Cullen had the power to reach down into your heart and soul and caress them both using only his voice. “I’ll Be Your Lover Too” began to play. Once more I was dumbstruck by his voice. He was humming the introduction at first and kind of giggling for a moment at the beginning of it. That made me smile and giggle a little too. But then all traces of laughter left his voice and he sang the words, “I’ll be your man, and I’ll understand, and I’ll do my best, to take good care of you…” I was struck with the overwhelming image of his hand starting at the base of my bare spine and slowly, so slowly, sliding up my back in a lovers caress, his large hands and long fingers taking their time to explore my skin. A powerful tremble ran the length of my spine in reality. I closed my eyes and stilled myself against the images running through my mind. If anything like that would have happened to me BEC (before Edward Cullen), my mind would have screamed WTF! Not now, not anymore. Then he sang the words, “You’ll be Myyyy Queen, and I’ll be your King and I’ll be your Looover too, yes I will, Derry Down green…” and in all honesty, I didn’t remember anything he sang after that. I was overcome with the most vivid and erotic images exploding in my mind. I simultaneously felt like my heart and soul were caving in on me and yet they were soaring at the same time.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, in my entire life had ever affected me the way his voice had. To use the words Powerful, Moving, Beautiful, Soulful, Heartfelt, Touching, Enthralling, Hypnotic, Spellbinding, Captivating, they were…Not Good Enough for Edward. Not by a long shot, but they were all that I could come up with. I didn’t think there were any words in the human language that could describe how his music, his voice affected me. That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

Over the last three weeks I had really started to think that there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t sleep, literally. I slept 2 to 4 hours a night and that was all. I couldn’t eat. I rarely left my computer and yet I felt perfectly fine. Hell, I’d never been happier! This wasn’t right. Edward Cullen shouldn’t have this kind of power over me. I’d never met the man. I knew I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t some weirdo or psychopath that was stalking him or out to hurt him. If anything, he was consuming me and I didn’t know how or why. I lived on the internet now. I was going to find the solution to this. I was going to learn all I could about him so I could solve this Mystery and move on with my life!

What a Big Fat Failure that was! I snorted now thinking back on how determined I was on trying to unravel the mystery that IS Edward Cullen. “Backfire!” I said out loud and made exploding noises and then I snicker-snorted. I knew better now. I knew the truth now and even though it explained nothing, it made me feel better to be able to admit it to myself. The truth was that Edward Cullen simply was “Fucking Awesome!” I laughed out loud again. Just saying it made me feel good.

I had searched and searched, spent hours on the net, read one article after another, watched videos and interviews on YouTube and the more I learned, the more I liked about this man. He was humble, modest, self-effacing, respectful, kind, patient and generous with his time towards his fans. He seemed amazed that thousands upon thousands of people came to see him. He still believed that the fans were crazy for the vampire character and it wasn’t really him they came to see. He often blushed at public appearances and had a nervous habit of chewing on his thumb. It tickled me to death to realize that he wasn’t even aware of how damn sexy that looked.

He came from a good family and had been raised with morals and values that were equal to my own. He carried those morals and values with him as he’d grown into a man. That was my great comfort, to learn that he wasn’t 18 or 19 as I had feared. He’d just passed his 25th birthday (I wasn’t a pervert after all I snickered at my conscience). He was a few years younger than I was but I thought that was OK. After all, there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell I was ever going to get near a famous person, and someone as famous as Edward Cullen? HA! I had a better chance of winning a multi-billion dollar lottery than I had of getting anywhere near him.Even so , I felt like a cougar but I wasn’t hurting anybody and I had never been happier in my life so what did it matter really?Still, I knew my behavior was bordering on obsession and I had no one I could talk to about it. It bothered me at the oddest times. I would be out getting groceries or paying bills and suddenly feel lonely, FOR Edward! WTF was that? I wondered. I didn’t really know him. I’d never met the man. How could I miss him? How could I feel lonely for him? I missed his face, his smile, his voice.

My greatest relief came about two weeks ago when I stumbled into a website called My Edward on the Web, better known as, “MEoW.” It was a blog run by women for women from all walks of life and of all ages who found themselves exactly where I was at this moment, obsessed with Edward Cullen. “Edsession” they called it or “OCD” Obsessive Cullen Disorder. I laughed at the name but it was true as well as funny. These women were smart, with a wicked sense of humor. And in all honestly, they could get downright raunchy with the things they said. I could never talk the way some of them did but it was funny as hell to read and see how other people reacted to it. They dealt with the “problems” of being “OCD” with a sense of humor and found comfort in knowing they weren’t alone in their feelings for Edward. Their slogan was, “I Do NOT suffer from Obsessive Cullen Disorder! I enjoy it Immensely!” Yup, that about summed it up.

No matter how old you were, you eventually found out that someone was older than you and they had the same feelings. Many fell for Edward as Robert the Vampire in Twilight and then, little by little, they fell for the man, not the character (I took comfort in the fact that, for me, it was always the man and not the character that had taken over my life). Others had been following him since his early days as a child actor. There were others who found him through his music. And then there was me, the new kid. I’d been the new kid a lot in my life. I was used to it but it still made me feel awkward. I was used to that feeling too.

From MEoW, I followed a link to another site I fell in love with called Letters to Edward, or “LTE.” They wrote letters addressed to Edward and then everyone commented on them or wrote their own shorter versions to Edward as a comment. I felt more at home here than at MEoW but I still couldn’t resist the articles they posted.

For the last two weeks I had just “lurked” on their sites. I read old blogs and their comments. I had snagged more than 2,000 photos of “The Pretty”. I loved that name for Edward. It just fit him so well. They also called him “The Precious” that fit as well because, with all of his fame and millions of fans, he still remained disbelieving and modest. That endeared him even more to everyone. I had never met him, I knew I never would and yet I felt blessed to know all this about him. It was so very weird.

While filming the last 2 installments to Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon the director had insisted that all the actors and the entire staff be sequestered on the set and that they tighten security around the compound. There would be absolutely no leaks or sightings of the film or its actors. So, for the last year and a half, Edward had all but disappeared from the public’s view. The fans on almost every site I had visited were in an uproar over it too.

When LTE posted a letter yesterday entitled “What I Miss About Edward”, I had finally gotten brave and posted a few comments myself. Thinking back on it, I couldn’t believe what I had said and admitted to. I could feel the color filling my cheeks just thinking about it. I could be so brave hiding behind the security of my monitor. They were still commenting on the same post today, maybe I’d go back and see what was going on.


“Edward!” Alice practically yelled my name and startled the crap out of me.

“Geez! Alice, I’m right in front of you. You don’t have to yell,” I said. I tossed my cigarette to the ground. I didn’t remember lighting it or smoking it. I pulled my pack from my pocket and lit another.

“Apparently I do,” Alice said. “Bill called the shoot for the day twenty minutes ago and not only have you not noticed, you haven’t moved a muscle. I’ve talking to you for five minutes And you didn’t even know I was standing here. Where were you just now?” she asked. As always, Alice was bright and cheerful. She was practically bouncing on her toes. I glanced around, surprised to see she was right. The crew was packing up the necessities for the night. Bill and Chris were huddled together talking. The other cast members were nowhere to be seen. Well shit!

“Nowhere. Just thinking. Where’s Jasper?” I asked.

“Thinking about what?” Alice asked, her brown eyes narrowing in curiosity.

“Alice,” I said in a warning tone.

“Well it must have been intriguing,” she began. I cut her off mid-sentence with a warning look. “Okay, Okay. Jasper and the others are waiting for you at the trailer.” I groaned inwardly. I didn’t want to see anyone right now.

“Do me a favor?” I asked. Alice cocked her head to one side and waited expectantly. “Run ahead and make some excuse for me? I just want to be alone for a while. Please?” I asked. I hated sending her to do this but I just wasn’t in the mood. It had started out as a bad day and just as it started to get a little better, it went right back into the toilet again.

“Are you not feeling well?” Alice asked. She was putting out her hand to feel my forehead to see if I was running a fever. I ducked my head out of her reach which wasn’t difficult since she was 5’2” and I was 6’1”.

“I’m fine. I’d just like to be alone for a while,” I told her. Truth be told, I couldn’t stop thinking about the blog and the comments I had read. I wanted nothing more than to get back to the computer and finish reading that blog and follow a certain link. That woman’s comment had really gotten to me. Sexy and seductive and yet she had never said a single crude word. Did she have to call herself EdwardsDream-gurl? Did she have to paint such a clear picture? I kept trying to push the image away but it would not go. It was more than just that one thing though. It was the other things she said, the way she had said them.

Oh bloody hell! That was ridiculous. It was just words typed on the screen man! There was no certain way they were said. Let it go! I’d been giving myself this speech all afternoon. My brain wasn’t listening.

Alice nodded once and all but skipped off.

“Alice!” I hollerd when she was a couple feet away. She turned with the grace of a ballerina and waited patiently. “Will you tell Jasper to stop by in a few hours?” I asked, again she nodded and turned to leave.

“Alice?” I said sheepishly. She turned in a graceful and patient twirl then smiled sweetly at me. She knew me so well.

“Thank you.” I told her. She skipped a couple feet back and without a word, wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. I returned the hug and kissed the top of her head. Unlike Rose, Alice only argued over major points. Alice and I usually agreed on everything so we rarely quarreled. I gave her a few minutes head start before I made my way to my trailer.

I showered, shaved and put on comfortable clothes. Logged onto my laptop and grabbed a beer, ashtray and cigarettes. It didn’t escape my notice that I was rushing through my normal habits in order to get back to LTE quickly. I decided not to think about that now. I pushed it aside, intent on making this day end better than it had started. My screen opened up back where I had left off at LTE. I reread the last two posts.

“Chatterbox: I Love MEoW. They’re hilarious! Amazing poem btw. I’d love to see Edwards’s hands tied up with his sexspenders (oh and I have a fetish with Edward’s dirty smoking habit so throw that in too)”

“EdwardsDream-gurl: Thank you! *Blushing* Don’t feel bad I do too. Sofa King Hawt!! I’d Love to give him a reason to truly enjoy a smoke ifyaknowwhatimeanandithinkyado! Lol.  If you’re interested, there’s another poem about Edward here. (link) It’s a serious one though based on the lyrics to his song “Never Think”.

I had missed that remark about enjoying a smoke earlier. I could feel the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth. She was implying so much without stating it bluntly. Naughty without vulgarity. I liked that very much. There it was again! That Sofa King comment, WTF did it mean? They always changed the end of it Sofa King Hawt, Sofa King Much, Sofa King Cool, Sofa King Rocks, Sofa King Bad, WTF did it mean? I scrolled through the rest of the comments but there wasn’t anything else from my girls. Oh wait! There was one last one…from her.

“EdwardsDream-gurl:  Sorry ladies, dang! I jizzytyped that just thinking about him singing!!See EC, I told ya he gets to me with that sexy voice! Gaah! Edward, Singing=HEAVEN ON EARTH!!!


(or talking or laughing or sighing or giggling *SWWOOON*)”

Jizzy typed. That was still one of my favorites. Well I could say one thing for her, I never sang as a character in a movie. My singing had all been done before I got into movies. Sexy voice, snort. Not! If she liked my singing then she wasn’t talking about any character, she was referring to me for sure. I clicked the link wondering where she was going to take me. As I was waiting for the link to connect, I was vaguely aware that I was picking up their lingo and using it. I rolled my eyes at myself. I think I was enjoying these ladies too much.

The link opened onto a new website I had never seen before. My song “Let Me Sign”, with me singing it, was playing. My face was staring back at me from a banner at the top. I scrolled down to find a poem.

“Let Me Sign”

(a reply)

Sitting beneath the broken tree,

All twisted up in silks of black,

My soul silently cries out,

And tears slip from my eyes.

My Heart feels the sorrow,

Your voice so beautifully expresses,

That Mournful cry that is in,

The Elegant Grace of your voice.

And I am Entwined in you,

Eternally connected by the,

Soulful mourning in your voice.

“Let Me Sign, Let Me Sign,”

For I’ll never other-wise be safe,

You have wrapped me

In more than your arms,

I am enveloped in your voice,

Embraced in your soul,

Held Captive by an

Inner and outer beauty,

Too Elegant to express,

With the simple vocabulary

Of a mere human.

“Let Me Sign, Let Me Sign.”

My heart shudders,

For I hear in the Beauty of your songs,

The sorrow you hide from the world,

It seeps out sometimes, In the photos,

But you recover it well,

With a smile that could make the angels,

Forget where their loyalties lie.

It’s true though it pains me to say, YOU dazzle us all,

And for a while I am dazzled too and

The joy of your beauty is boundless,

But then I remember that beautiful voice,

And the mournful undertones,

And then I am not only dazed by you,

But I am captivated down to the depths of my soul,

Where only your sweet, sorrowful voice can reach

So “Let Me Sign, Let Me Sign,”

I can’t fight the devil,

When he puts the angels to shame.

I close my eyes and that voice,

Is like the slightest brush

Of your fingers across my skin,

And for a moment with my eyes closed,

It feels it as though you’re there.

I can see it in my mind and I carry the images with me

As though they were real.

Then the song begins anew and there it is again,

That Mournful Moan,

And I see you lean in against me,

Brush my hair off my shoulders

And kiss the curve of my neck,

Yes, I could melt into your eyes,

Into your touch, for Heaven knows,

I’ve already melted into

The Beauty of your face,

The Richness of your soul,

And God, knows into

The Elegant Grace of your voice,

“Let Me Sign, Let Me Sign”

You hitch your leg around me,

Pull me close, and then we sigh.

I can’t fight the devil,

When he puts the angels to shame.

“Let Me Sign, Let Me Sign,

Just Let Me Sign.”


“Holy Bloody Hell!” I jumped out of my seat and began pacing the floor. I raked my fingers through my hair time and again. The woman could paint a fucking picture with her words like nothing I had ever seen before. The problem was she was using my mind as the canvas. I grabbed a cigarette, lit it and continued to pace the floor. Why? Why was this one woman getting to me? It didn’t make sense. I had been reading these blogs almost daily for months. Some of the comments were very explicit, leaving absolutely no question as to the writer’s intent. So it made no sense as to why this woman’s mildly suggestive comments would put such vivid images into my mind and cause such a reaction in my body.

I returned to the table and crushed out my cigarette. ‘Twisted up in silks of back’. My mind jumped to an image of her lying across a bed in a long black silk negligée’, the fabric clinging to long shapely legs. She’s softly crying while listening to my music. ‘Mournful Cry’ and ‘Elegant Grace’ the words she used to describe my singing were very flattering. I was touched by her words though I thought she was being too kind.

‘And I am Entwined in you, Eternally connected by the, Soulful mourning in your voice.’ The image changed to include me lying there beside her, wrapped up in a tangle of arms, legs, black silk and bare skin yet more than just a physical connection.

‘Inner and outer beauty, Too Elegant to express,’ “Well, you’re doing a great job of it,” I said.  She thought I was elegant and beautiful inside and out? I knew nothing of what she looked like but this was definitely the workings of someone with a beautiful heart and soul.

‘My heart shudders, for I hear in the Beauty of your songs, the sorrow you hide from the world, It seeps out sometimes, In the photos,’ Her heart shudders, because of my music? Wow. She was right though, about the bluesy music. I couldn’t sing like that unless I was in the right mood. There were some photos of me where I wished I could have been in a nightclub singing instead of in a photo shoot. How could she see and know all this about me from a photo and a song? Moreover, how could she express it all so beautifully?

‘With a smile that could make the angels, Forget where their loyalties lie.’ That was a beautiful line. I was completely flattered by this. And this one too, “I am captivated down to the depths of my soul, Where only your sweet, sorrowful voice can reach,’

‘I close my eyes and that voice, Is like the slightest brush Of your fingers across my skin, And for a moment with my eyes closed, It feels it as though you’re there.  I can see it in my mind and I carry the images with me As though they were real. “Yeah, I will too Now,” I said to my monitor. ‘That Mournful Moan, And I see you lean in against me, Brush my hair off my shoulders And kiss the curve of my neck,’ Awww, man did she have to use the word Moan? I felt my body tense at the images and her choice of words. I could see this so clearly, she’s sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up to her chest hugging them. I kneel down behind her, leaning against her slightly as I moved her long glorious hair off her shoulders. The thin strap of her negligee sliding off her delicate shoulder, my hands caressing up her arms as I bend down to kiss the soft white skin of her neck and shoulder. I catch the strap of her gown with my thumb and… “Shit! Shit! Fuck! and Damn!”

‘You hitch your leg around me, Pull me close, and then we sigh.’ I saw this all too vividly as well and my body now ached with wanting it all to be real. Here. NOW! I can’t fight the devil, When he puts the angels to shame.’ I was sure as hell wrestling with the devil now.

I read the poem again for the third time and came up with the same results, Awed, flattered, touched, curious, blind-sided, and turned the fuck on! “Shit! Shit! Fuck! and Damn!” I said out loud. I smacked my laptop keyboard. I must have hit an action key because the screen returned to LTE. And of course it returns to this post…

Somebody up there must hate me, I thought.

“Problems, brother?” Jasper asked as he entered my trailer.

“Yes, damn it! No,” I corrected, “Just irritated at the confinement, Jazz, nothing major.”

“It must be something if you’re abusing your laptop and cussing.” He replied, staring at me curiously. Not wanting to get into this subject with Jazz or anyone else, I changed the subject.

“You’ve been on these fan sites Jazz, do you understand all these abbreviations they use?” I asked.

“Sure. Why?”

“I know almost all of them but I can’t seem to wrap my head around this one for some reason. They keep changing the end of it,”

“Which one?” Jasper asked, leaning over my shoulder to search the screen.

“This one,” I replied, pointing at the screen. “Why do they keep calling me a Sofa King?” The laughter exploded from Jasper in loud guffaws. In all the time I’d known Jasper I’d never heard him laugh that loud or that hard. He clutched his stomach and doubled over with it. Still laughing, he made his way over to the sofa before he fell down. Alice came in and looked around at Jasper and then back at me smiling.

“I brought you some food, Edward. What’s so funny?” She asked, her smile starting to shatter into giggles at her husband.

“Thank you Alice. I have no idea. I asked him a question and this was my answer.” I said, gesturing towards Jasper’s doubled over figure on the sofa. I couldn’t help the smile that was breaking across my face. It was so rare to see Jasper this way.

“Oh God!” he tried to speak between gasps for air, “you’re too much Edward!” Alice looked at me quizzically and I shrugged in response.

“What was your question Edward?” Alice asked me in a sincere voice.

“I asked him if he knew what this phrase meant.” I replied, pointing to the words on my screen. Jasper began laughing all over again in earnest. He was now sprawled across the sofa kicking his legs. Alice looked at the screen then looked at me and her smiled burst into a giggle. She covered her hand with her mouth to stifle it.

“What?” I demanded with a smile at the two of them.

“You really don’t know?” Alice asked between giggles. I gave her a look that should have sobered the both of them but it only made them laugh more. I sighed heavily and sat back in my chair knowing there was nothing I could do until they were over the giggles. I’d been through this on the set and knew anything that was said would just make it worse. Eventually, they sobered enough to talk.

“Edward, they aren’t calling you a Sofa King,” Jasper said, struggling to keep a straight face as he said the words. Alice slapped her hands over her mouth when she heard what he’d said. I sat there looking at him expectantly.

“Say it,” Jasper told me. I looked at the words on the monitor, it still didn’t make sense.

“Say it. Out loud.”

“Sofa. King.” I said.


“Sofa King.”



“Again, faster,”

“Sofuking” I said, getting exasperated at the entire situation.

“Keep saying it and add ‘Hawt’ to the end of it as fast as you can.” Jasper said.

“Sofukinghawt.” I heard something in it that time that I hadn’t heard before.

“SoFuckingHot!”  My eyes opened wide as realization dawned on me. “So Fucking Hot!?” I smacked myself in the forehead when it finally hit home. *Face-Palm* as my girls said so often. Alice and Jasper dissolved into giggles yet again.

Chapter 2

Waiting In The Twilight

Chapter Two


I didn’t know whether to be bummed or happy. My cousin had just called to say they were leaving this weekend on vacation and would be gone the whole summer. It was Thursday evening and they were leaving first thing in the morning. Thanks for the warning guys. It was a good thing I hadn’t bought those tickets to the zoo yet.  I was happy for them of course but that meant my niece would not be coming over on the weekends to argue with me over the gorgeous vamp. And “War Wednesday” on Facebook was probably a total bust too since she didn’t have a laptop. On the other hand, that left my entire summer completely open to work on my novels.

I sat down at my dining room table with my laptop and signed on. As the wall paper appeared I started laughing so hard I nearly choked on my Coca-Cola®. . My niece, the little wiseass, had somehow managed to get her hands on my computer without my knowledge and replaced my favorite vamp wallpaper with one of her own.

 It was a picture of the vampire Robert in his baseball outfit from the movie Twilight. He was running across the baseball field and there was a caption bubble above his head that read, “Not again!” it took me a minute to realize that behind him someone had pasted in a picture of Voldemort, with his wand raised in a curse, the bad guy/witch in the Harry potter Books. Edward Cullen, the actor who played Robert, had also had a part in Harry Potter, as Cedric Diggory, and was killed in that movie by Voldemort. That did it! I thought as I laughed. I was so going to find the hottest pictures of the character Robert that I could find and email them to her in a little slide show. Oh how I wished I knew how to make those videos they put on YouTube.

I opened my Twilight folder; Geez, I had 300 pictures of Robert. How had that happened? I enlarged the pictures so that I could see them better and began to browse through them. I was sure I had used most of these during War Wednesdays. I had to admit this guy, though pale and a little over done with the make-up, was handsome. I had seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and I knew Edward Cullen as Cedric Diggory didn’t look that good, even though that was five years ago and he had been a teenager then. Those amber contacts just sucked you in. That was probably the biggest part of the appeal. The unusual eye color was so hypnotizing you just couldn’t look away. I wondered who the make-up artist was because Robert had such a strong jaw-line and yet you couldn’t see where they had added to it. He also had extremely long eyelashes for a man. Very sexy, but they had to be part of the costume. And that streaked, bronze, wildly out of control thick hair had to take hours to get that look. No doubt about it. They had done a great job with the special effects make-up for this vampire.

I realized I had two pictures that were very similar and I enlarged them yet again to see which one I wanted to keep. There was no point in taking up space on my hard drive with nearly identical pictures.

WTF? That was not Robert the Vampire that was…No way! Edward Cullen? Wow! Sure it had been five years since Twilight, six since Harry Potter and sure, New Moon and Eclipse had been filmed since then but Damn! No, no way, that was Robert. Wasn’t it?

I enlarged the picture even more. It now filled my entire screen. I searched his face trying to figure out what was so different. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I literally had to gasp and fill my lungs with air! I had been so entrance by that face I had forgotten to take another breath! Oh, for God’s sake this was ridiculous! I right clicked on the picture to delete it, the options menu popped up right under the eyes. That’s when I saw it. His eyes, they were blue-gray. That was Edward freakin Cullen! OH My God! He looked a hell-of-a-lot better than that vamp character he played. Wow, I guess the strong jaw wasn’t part of the vamp make-up. Shoot, to hell with the vamp! I’d found my new wallpaper! I laughed at myself for being so silly.

What if someone sees this, I wondered. How am I going to explain having a “Movie Star” as my wallpaper? I was a grown woman for pity’s sake, not a teenager. I could hear my own voice in my head mocking me.

Who’s going to see it ya dope? Andrea’s gone for the summer. It’s not like you’ve got friends and men beating down your door all day. What’s wrong with having a little eye candy to look at?

You didn’t even do this as a teenager, woman. He’s just a kid. Ya pervert.

Oh shut up! It’s just a picture of his face.

I couldn’t believe I was arguing with Myself! Geez! I was going off the deep end. I knew my mind was different but c’mon. I applied the picture as my wallpaper despite what I thought. There. That’s better.

 I smiled at the sexy blue-gray eyes that were somehow staring back at me in a very suggestive manner. Ahem. What had I been doing?

Oh yeah, now I remembered. Wow, it had been awhile since I’d been in any kind of a serious relationship but, geez! One handsome face shouldn’t totally consume me to the point where I couldn’t breathe or remember what I was doing. I clicked back onto my Twilight file, determined to forget that face. Edward Cullen! For cryin’ out loud! I shook my head at my own silliness and continued to browse the file, searching through the vamp pictures. What in the world was this? Another picture of Edward?  For real? I was going to have to talk to my niece about staying out of my computer files. If she was messing with my novels and other things too, this could be a real issue for me. I enlarged the picture yet again. He was wearing a black sweater, his hair was a wild tangle, but damn, it was perfect too. Maybe those golden bronze streaks hadn’t been part of the costume after all. Hhmmm, that hair, God I wonder… “Oh stop it Bella!” I yelled at myself. I was not going to go there.

I opened a new folder inside the Twilight folder and began separating the pictures that I found that were not Robert. Before I had made my way through the entire folder, I had found twenty-five pictures of Edward Cullen. Geez! I wouldn’t let myself enlarge them or linger on them. Just shove them in the folder and later, when school let out I would call my niece and ask her about this. I hated to have say anything about it at all but really, she couldn’t go into my stuff like that. I paid my bills and everything else on here. If she deleted an account or something it could cause me a lot of grief.

It didn’t take but a second to realize that over the past few weeks I had used all these pictures in War Wednesday’s with Andrea. I was going to have to go surfing for some more pictures of vampire Robert.

Four hours later, I had finally put the slide show together. I e-mailed it to my niece. I left the files and my computer open and went to the kitchen to fix some dinner. I often made large quantities of soups and stews and even other meals and then froze them. That way, when I got home from work exhausted (which I didn’t have to worry about any more, Yay me), I could just turn on the oven and throw in a premade dish, set my timer and go relax. I pulled out a small pan of lasagna and tossed it in the oven. I had just set the oven timer for 45 minutes when the phone rang.

“Hello?” I said.

“Aunt Bella you’re gross!”

“What did I do?” I laughed. I walked over to my computer and sat down replaying the silly slide show of Twilight’s vampire Robert that I had sent to her.

“That slide show! Robert? For real? Ick!” Andrea replied.

“That’s just pay back for my wallpaper you changed. He’s better than that flea bag werewolf you’ve got the hots for, Taylor Lautner.” I heard her stifle the giggle. She thought she’d pulled a fast one.

“Hey! At least he’s soft and warm and cuddly! That vampire is icy cold and hard. You hate the cold Aunt Bells! Just how is THAT going to work huh?” Andrea said in her cocky little know it all voice.

“Well, one thing is for sure, I can always build a fire or get me a blanket but Darlin, that’s better than having to drown myself in flea powder every day. That stuff stiiiinks! And where you gonna find a tub big enough to give him a flea dip? Seriously.” I loved teasing her on this subject.

“He don’t have fleas Aunt Bella! At least he don’t drink blood!”

“Just what do you think he eats when he’s a wolf Darlin?” I asked her.

“Pffft, Whateve!” She huffed. I laughed. That was her signal she was out of comebacks for now. I clicked off the slide show and opened the “Edward Cullen” file rolling my eyes as I did it. The fact that it even existed was bothering me.

“Andrea, when did you change my wallpaper?” I asked her. I wasn’t angry about it at all and she could tell that by the sound of my voice. I was just worried about her accidentally erasing something important.

“Last night, when we came by to get my notebook I left there. You didn’t even notice!” Again with the giggle.

“Did you add photos of Robert to my file too?” I asked. I thought back to last night and she could have had time to change my wallpaper if she knew exactly where to look but I didn’t think she would have had time to collect 25 pictures of Edward Cullen. There were at least 7 different photo shoots here from at least five different magazines. She had only been out of my sight for ten minutes at best.

“Eww Gross! No way! You got too many of those as it is.” She stated. She was telling the truth. I knew her too well. I glanced through the thumbnails of the photos I hadn’t enlarged. Then where the fuh…

“I gotta go Aunt Bells. Mom’s calling me to pack my stuff for the summer. I’m sure gonna miss you.” She said in a little bit of a pout.

“I’ll miss you too girlfriend. If you get near a phone or a computer you better call me or Facebook me every chance you get.” I told her. Twenty-five pictures of Edward? And Andrea didn’t do it…

“I will. Promise! Will you be all right all alone Aunt Bella?” She asked.

“Of course I will Darlin’. I’ve got Edward to protect me!” I laughed.

“Oh Aunt Bella, its Robert not Edward! You’re so sick! I love you! Bye.” She said and hung up.

“I love you too Darlin,” I said absently. Had I really said Edward?

I enlarged the next photo of Edward… in this picture, his hand was buried in his unruly hair and he was smiling a brilliant smile. It was contagious, I noticed. Every time I looked at that smiling face I caught myself grinning like an idiot. Geez! This kid was gorgeous, for a kid. I felt like a total pervert for thinking such a thing about a boy who couldn’t be but, what 18, 19 maybe? I was determined to find a picture of him that was flawed now! They had to be airbrushing these things. NO ONE was THAT HOT! Especially not a kid!

I started going through all the pictures. I don’t know how much time passed before I started to really freak out. I enlarged the next picture. It was a picture from a public appearance somewhere. He was sitting at a table with his hands under his chin. The guy had nice hands, REALLY nice hands. Hadn’t I heard somewhere that he played the piano or the guitar or something? Yeah I remembered he played a song on the piano and sang something in the movie Twilight. Yeah, he reeally had nice hands. His fingers were long too. Damn it!

CLICK! I jumped to the next photo before my imagination ran away with me. My God! That hair was so gorgeous. I wanted so much to run my fingers through his hair to see if it was as soft as it loo… Stop it! I told myself. This was bordering on sick really! I had problems. I enlarged the next photo. There had to be proof that the photographers were messing with these photos. They were enhancing them somehow. They had to be. My sanity depended on it.

“Aha!” I practically yelled. There it was, all the proof I needed. A full body profile shot of Edward Cullen, at the film festival in Italy on Halloween 2008.

His clothes were all askew, he hadn’t shaved in days! The scruffy half-beard covered much of his face. His hair was a wild wreck. He was wearing crappy boots with a suit jacket. Shit kickers, I think was what they called them. HA! He wasn’t perfect at all! Feeling much better now, I clicked on the next picture.  It was from the same event except…it was…a close-up… of his face.

His head was tilted down just slightly and he was looking up at the cameras through the thickest lashes I had ever seen. Amazingly, he appeared to have the slightest blush on his cheeks as though he were…what? …embarrassed…or humbled by all the attention that was being lavished on him. I gasped for breath having forgotten to breathe yet again but I was far too enthralled by his face to remember to be upset at myself. That smile, always so contagious before, took me someplace entirely different now. It made me think of…gulp… things I shouldn’t be thinking about with a youn… Oh MY LORD! Holy Mary Mother Of God those eyes! They literally screamed sex… No! That wasn’t the right word, they made you think of things that made you scream when you were having…


I screamed, startled and nearly jumped out of my skin at the high-pitched screeching sound of my smoke alarm.

“Holy SHIT!” my kitchen was full of smoke! My lasagna! I totally forgot about having put it in the oven. I grabbed a dish towel and pulled the blackened mess from the oven. I turned the oven off and ran to the smoke alarm and began fanning the towel in front of it. Why the heck didn’t the timer go off? I know I set the thing. Geez! I wished the smoke would clear, the alarm was really loud! Dang it hurt my ears. Shut-up please, I begged the alarm. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than the alarm finally went off.

Beepbeep! Beepbeep! Beepbeep! I rolled my eyes in disgust. The timer had gone off, was still going off. I had been so engrossed I hadn’t noticed the Beepbeep! Beepbeep! For the past TWO HOURS it had gone off! I looked down at my dinner which was totally destroyed. “Damn you Edward Cullen!” I swore, as I looked across the room at my computer. Even as I said the words and tried to scowl at the face that was staring back at me, I felt the idiotic smile cross my face.

Waiting in the Twilight


I had waited around the set for three hours today. Every time we started to do a scene something went wrong. We’d barely get a line or two out and Bill would yell, “Cut”. It was always something, camera or sound problems, the sun popping out for just a few minutes, equipment that’s supposed to make it look like Robert is running super-fast refusing to operate, bugs ruining the forest shots, something. We even tried changing to an indoor shot where Robert is having a discussion with his family. Then it started again, sets weren’t right, props were falling over, again with the sound or lighting failure, it was endless.

Usually this type of thing would cause a case of the unstoppable giggles in at least one person and it would slowly spread through the entire cast and crew. Days like this made for the best days and the best bloopers. Not today. It seemed to set everyone on edge. Bill was pissed off about everything going wrong and since it was problems that were beyond anyone’s control, there was no one to yell at or blame for it. Eventually, he told all the actors to go back to their trailers and relax until they could get some of the problems worked out, then they’d call us back.
Personally, I was glad. I just wanted some time alone. I’d been up since three this morning and after costumes and make-up, it had been a “hurry up and wait” day. I was a patient man, very patient but the stop and go and stop and wait, wait, wait, was really starting to wear on my nerves today. I grabbed a Coca-Cola®, lit a cigarette and headed for my trailer. Since we were confined to the set, which was veritable fortress, there was no need for Emmett to tag along. He was out with some of the others, probably tossing a football around somewhere. Rose and Alice were still busy trying to help with some of the problems that had to do with costumes and make-up. I would finally have at least a moment alone. Hopefully, it would be more than just a moment.

I entered my trailer and dropped onto my sofa. I laid my head back and pinched the bridge of my nose willing the headache that was threatening to start not to kick in. I remembered I still had the Vampire make-up on and removed my hand. I didn’t want to have to sit for an hour while Rose touched up the work she’d already done once. She’d be griping the entire time if she had to do it over again and I was not in the mood to hear it.

I raised my head and looked around the trailer. What to do? My guitar was lying in a chair across the room. Nah! I wasn’t in the mood to sing or play. I was somber and irritated and feeling trapped again. Maybe if I had a piano I could get rid of some of the tension but my guitar was for bluesy or happier moods than this. I could go play the piano they had on set for the movie… I thought about this for a while but then discarded the idea. I wanted to get out and about.

My eyes wandered across the room. My laptop was sitting on the table. The “power on” light was blinking at me like the beckoning finger of a lover, motioning for me to come to her. I grinned at the wild thought. Those girls at MEoW and LTE were getting to me with their adoring, loving, and part-time raunchy talk. I shook my head as I realized I had a Cheshire cat grin on my face and was sitting down at my laptop. Just thinking about going there had me in a better mood. I signed on to my laptop and typed in LTE…

“What I Miss About Edward

Dear Edward,

We are sick. Yes all of us, very, very sick. (No I don’t mean sick in the head for our Edsesssion. That’s totes normal.) We are sick and only you can save us! What’s wrong you ask? We are sick and tired of logging on to various sites along the net, spending hours searching for news of you, The Beloved Pretty, hoping to find out what you were wearing when you went out to grab a pack of hot pockets and a six-pack of Heine. (You could always grab my hiny baby.) Or hoping to see giggly, drunk Eddie wandering down some Random Road at one in the morning. (We so Love our Drunkward.) But sadly, every day we are greatly disappointed. Nothing, there’s NOTHING! We are sick and tired of looking at old wallpapers and worn out “YouTube” fan-made videos. No offense Ladies! We want YOU! – New! NOW!

We miss your eyes…



We miss your smile…



Your face…









Your jaw…






Your knees…





Your feet…




We even miss your smoking…
















We miss it so very much…

We talk and write to you all the time and we’ve been content with just a smexy smile before the door closed to your hotel, or a friendly wave from miles away. But lately Baby, you’ve given us nothing. Here we all are sitting and waiting, every day, giving you our Love and adoration and never ending affection and since we’ve admitted our weakness and given to you, – IT’S TIME YOU DID TOO. Come to us Eddie. Buy a bucket of chicken at 1 a.m. Get Drunk In Public so we can Squeee over Drunkward. Wander down some random road in Baton Rouge in your Beanie and shittious Nikes just to let us know you still care. WE DARE YOU TO!!!




So Ladies what do You think. Did I forget anything? What do you miss about Edward? Let him know you still care.”

“Oh, how I’d love to my ladies. You’ll never know.” I said.

Under each body part they said they missed they had posted a close-up picture of that specific body part. I was glad they hadn’t focused on my groin this time. That was always…what was the term they used? Yes, secondhand embarrassing. I thought the missing my knees and my feet part was a little weird. My knees and my feet? Really?

I laughed after having read that letter but, oddly enough, I felt a twinge of guilt too. I told Bill that they may lose some of the fan base if they secluded us and stopped all leaks about the movie. I understood his point but still, it was taking a big risk in my opinion. Now, judging by this letter from fans I knew had been extremely loyal (at least to me), my worst fears about being secluded may be coming to fruition. I scrolled down, with a smidge of concern to read some of the replies. In all honesty I thought some of these ladies were absolutely off their rockers. I knew some of them were completely barking mad. But there were a few, four in particular, whose opinions and remarks truly mattered to me.

I scrolled through the first few replies until I saw one that caught my eye:

“Dear Edward, Please don’t leave us hanging without you. We miss you! Sniff, sniff.”

I smiled at that. The next one was,

“I miss being shocked. Dear Edward, please do something interesting. We know you don’t have a mouth filter so please make Bill Condon remove the blinders and the muzzle. Let Him GO Bill Condon! NOW! Love, me.”

 Ouch! They were right. It was like we were being muzzled and kept blind. It also felt like being imprisoned.

“Dear Edward, I Miss your hands. *sigh, your hands* I miss seeing you and Tom Stu doing silly stuff together. Damn “Scummit” for their extra security. I know it’s for your own good Edward but we need you! I miss your stare, so intense. We need a new photo shoot. Help us out EDWARD!”

“Scummit,” I snickered. That was a good one. I wondered if Bill knew that people felt this way. I’d have to get Alice to check the Twilight Saga web sites later to see if they were complaining about the lack of information too and the lock down on the set.  Ah! Finally, one of “my girls”,

“Edwardscougar: Dear Edward, I miss you too, sooo much. I’d settle for a quick run on a hot pocket sale in jeans and a hoodie. Until then ladies, here’s a pic of “The Pretty” from Water for Elephants that will ease our broken hearts and convince you that there is a Higher Power that creates Beautiful and amazing creatures here on earth.”

I snorted. “The Pretty” Geez! I took a lot grief for that one from Jasper, Emmett and Tom. Beautiful? Ha! Men weren’t beautiful. I looked like a girl most of the time. Probably did in this too. I clicked the link to see what random picture they had posted. Well at least I did look like a man in this one. Another post from one of my girls,

“Chatterbox: Oh sweet light from Heaven! Why haven’t I seen this before? The eyes, the stubble, the hair, his nose… need to sit on his lap…”

I was laughing out loud now. Good grief! Chatterbox was a hoot. “Need to sit on his lap.” I chuckled as I continued to scroll down the page.

“Crazyforcullen: I miss Smirky Edward. And Drunkward and the way he says “uuhhhmmm…” when he’s thinking and the way he licks his lips and the way he chews his thumb and the mangiggle and pianofingers and Edorkable and and and…. I’m so sick in the Ed hee hee hee.”

That cracked me up! “Sick in the Ed”! Where did they get this stuff? God I loved these girls. And “Edorkable”? I laughed so hard the first time I read that I spewed Corona all over my trailer. I had gotten Rose a little drenched too, which had just made it that much funnier.

“Chatterbox:  There really should be an “Editussin DM” (DM=Dreamy Man) for the sick in the ED! LMAO I’d take a tablespoon every night.”

I was rolling with laughter now. “Dreamy Man”, for real? ME? NOT! Oh, here was a new one. I’d never seen this blogger here before.

“EdwardsDream-gurl: “Editussin DM (Dreamy Man!) LMAO where the hell can I buy that at? Tell me PLEEAASSE? I’ll buy a case!”

“Edwardscougar:  Welcome Edsgurl! Me too! I swear this man, everything about him from his sense of humor to his looks to his talent just makes a woman tense up and Squeee silently in front of her computer, just to prevent people around her from sending for the medics when she convulses and hugs herself with her face all screwed up in painful delight.”

“EdwardsDream-gurl: Thanks Edwardscougar! I know. He is Divine! Sofa King Hawt!  That sounds so familiar! I have to keep my hand over my mouth just to keep from Squeeeing out loud or laughing just because he thrills me so!”

I could just picture that! It made me laugh. Divine? Thrilling? Me? These ladies needed some kind of medication if they thought I was sexy. I didn’t think Editussin would quite do it though. They needed something a lot stronger. Sexy? Thrilling? Edorkable I could accept. But thrilling, definitely not. Edward’s Dream Girl…don’t I wish! “Where’ve you been all my life?” I asked my monitor.

“Chatterbox: That does it! We’re coming to get you Edward! We will sneak into the Scummit compound go into hiding and lie in wait. Then secretly, in the dead of night, break you out of there. We’ll make a getaway in my VW, meet up with the WTF-LTE tour bus at the Texas border, and make a group road trip out of it.  We’ll buy you a wig on our way down, I’m sure that will provide enough cover for you. No one will notice. There will be beer on the bus, as well as a Hot Pockets bar. Any one of us will run our hands through your hair. (massage your bum whateve) Sound fun? Just give me a sign and I’m/we are there. Who’s with me?”

I was laughing out of control now. My stomach hurt from it. Escaping the compound in a VW bug! Too funny. I could just see Bill’s face! It would so be worth it! Ah, finally! My other favorite lovely!

“DazzlemeEC: Count me in to aid and abet in the breakout. I’ve suspected for a while that there may be some cultish type of behavior going on in that compound. I fear Edward is being held prisoner and may have even already succumbed to some type of Stockholm Syndrome. It’s our duty to save him. I’ll volunteer to drive the WTF-LTE Tour bus. I’ll leave work now, stock the bus with hot pockets and Heineken’s (may be helpful in the deprogramming) and start working on the escape route. But damn it, Where to buy a wig? Guess he’ll just have to be ducking down low in the tour bus for the actual escape. We just need to infiltrate the premises and get our Pretty out of there!”

“Chatterbox: The getaway car, AKA the WTF-LTE-Edward-Experience-Mobile-Deprogramming-Unit. I think after a few beers, 75 head massages, and 4 Hot Pockets, he’ll be back to himself.”

“EdwardsDream-gurl:  I’m all in! I miss him too. Everything about him. I’ve got a blanket for him to hide under hee hee hee and a bottle of massage oil for…his feet (or whateve) *innocent look*

But Edwardschoice you forgot something in your letter, you forgot the Giggle, that soft voice of his, liquid silk when he speaks softly, the drunken Edward voice when he slurs, and the sexy sound when he sighs. The voice when he wails out those songs that are enough to give you a wet dream, That is IF you could sleep (which I haven’t) not with the sexiest voice, warm as golden honey singing in your ears while you’re in…..ooopsie….I shouldn’t have just written that. I just got an image of Sexy, Sultry Edward with the sexeyes and the IwantyouandIKNOWYOUWANTME sex look on his face whispering….(never mind….keeping that to myself!!! *WEG*) As he’s slowly, knowingly backing me into the bedroom…*Gah…* me shutting up now before I write my own damn fan-fic!!”

WOW! That stopped my laughter real quick. It sure stirred something else though. Shit! Where did this lady come from?

“DazzlemeEC: ahhh… Now how am I supposed to get any work done after reading this? Sigh…. oh, the Edsesssion…….”

“EdwardsDream-gurl: LOL. Exactly why I couldn’t sleep last night! God that man gets to me in sooo many ways. *sigh* I miss him.”

“EdwardsDream-girl: After having read this email this morning, I couldn’t get the term Random Road out of my head. LOL


Random Road,

I wandered down some Random Road

One dark and lonely morn,

I had to give the Girls at MEoW

A glimpse of some Edward Porn.

I got Drunk on that Random Road,

Then with Chicken and Corona on my breath,

I stumbled back to my temporary abode,

Knowing I’d wake feeling like death.

The next morning I was so forlorn

And I knew it had to do with Random Road,

For my Stoli Shirt was missing,

And Google was full of new Ed Porn.

The Angelz at LTE & MEoW were all aglow

The *SQUEEE’s* were heard across the land,

Then I smiled, sexy, sweet and slow,

For I realized my spenders were tied round my hands.

So whenever I find some Random Road,

I’ll go for a walk some deep dark night

Knowing the Angelz are waiting to download

Some Ed Porn pics that’ll Keep them up all night.”


“Chatterbox: I Love MEoW. They’re hilarious! Amazing poem btw. I’d love to see Rob’s hands tied up with his sexpenders (oh and I have a fetish with Rob’s dirty smoking habit so throw that in too)”

“EdwardsDream-gurl: Thank you! *Blushing* Don’t feel bad I do too. Sofa King Hawt!! I’d Love to give him a reason to truly enjoy a smoke ifyaknowwhatimeanandithinkyado! LOL.  If you’re interested, there’s another poem about Edward here. (link) It’s a serious one though based on the lyrics to his song “Never Think”.

I liked this woman! Oh, I had to remember to look for her again and pay closer attention the next time I went to MEoW! She said she couldn’t sleep, because of me? No fucking way! Tied me up with my own sexspenders (as they called them) holy bloody hell! And yet she was *blushing* because someone paid her a compliment? That was a contradiction wasn’t it? Interesting.

I had been reading these blogs for months now and there were still several abbreviations that they used that I still didn’t understand. I knew that LMAO meant Laughing My Ass Off and other more common ones, like LOL. But there was one that still had me baffled, “Sofa King”.  I just could not understand why they kept calling me Sofa King. Was it because of that photo shoot I did on that ugly green sofa? It didn’t make sense. I hated not knowing what it meant.

I’d come back to the link she posted later. I was only half-way through the post. I found myself searching for her avatar among my other favorites as I scrolled down the page.

There was a loud knock on my trailer door. Jasper entered without waiting for a reply.

“They’re waiting for you at the non-battle set,” he said.

“Shit!” I said, as I slammed the top down on my computer. “Shit!” Before I closed my trailer door, I turned and looked at my laptop. “Laters Ladies,” I promised.